All You Got
by teamteganyeah
Summary: What if Tegan and Sara were separated at birth, only to have fate bring them together? Quincest; don't like, don't read.
1. Hello

Chapter One

A small bell chimed in the back of my mind, doing nothing to break my focus on one of my favorite books. I leaned forward in my chair as it got more interesting, chewing my nails even though I knew what would happen next.

"Excuse me, miss." came a voice from the other side of the check-out counter. I sighed in exasperation and rose from my seat, placing the paperback face-down on the counter.

"How may I help you?" I asked with as much professional civility as I could manage when all I wanted to do was race to my favorite part of the book.

"I'm looking for a book." she said, looking around and sounding overwhelmed by the crowded bookstore. I didn't really look at her, but I kept glancing back to the book, anxious to return to my quiet reading.

"Well this _is_ a bookstore. Did you have a particular one in mind?" I said.

"I think it's called... umm... Independence Day." My heart jumped into my throat as the girl named the exact book I had been reading. I looked up into her face for the first time and almost gasped in surprise. This woman was _gorgeous. _She had piercing tawny eyes and short brown hair that swept sideways across her smooth, flawless forehead. My eyes traced down to her slender neck where I noticed a beaded rainbow necklace resting there. I couldn't stop myself from shifting my gaze slightly southward...

"Umm... do you know if you stock a book by that name? I think It's by Richard Ford." asked the girl again, awaking me from my embarrassing slack-jawed stupor. The cocky grin on her face told me she had definitely noticed me checking her out.

"Yeah... I have a copy right here." I said, my cheeks radiating warmth.

"Thank god. I've been looking around every bookstore in town for this!" she said with a sigh of relief.

"Old favorite?" I asked, smiling hopefully.

"Not exactly. I just need it for... oh never mind. It's a long story."

"I've got time to kill." I said, looking around the deserted store and forgetting that this beautiful stranger was planning on ripping my only copy of Independence Day from my soft, pliable hands.

"Ok. Well... my ex used my library card to check out this book, and when we broke up, she took it with her and never returned it. So a few months later, the library calls me up and wants to know where their book is! They're still charging me a fortune in fines, so I'm glad I finally found this goddamn thing."

"Wow" I said laughing with her. "That's some story." I cringed at how lame my reply sounded. My mind was still processing what she had said.

"Yeah... so how much is the book?"

"Ten dollars." I handed her the book in exchange for her legal tender.

"I'm Tegan by the way." she said.

"I'm Sara." I replied

"I'll see you around sometime, Sara. And thanks for helping me out."

"No problem ... yeah... umm... bye" I stuttered as I watched her leave the store.

And then I put it all together in my mind;

the rainbow necklace,

the female ex

I found myself groaning in frustration as I realized that Tegan, this beautiful girl, was gay and had practically fallen into my lap. But, as usual, my oblivious self failed to even notice. Now, here I was, still single, and missing the only copy of my favorite book. I collapsed into my chair, grabbing another book, and resigning to my fate of spinsterhood. but somehow I couldn't keep the smile from my face as I turned her name over and over in my mind.

Tegan

What an unusual name...


	2. Want To Be Bad: Part One

Chapter 2, Part One

Want to be Bad

Tegan's POV

I exited the bookstore with the newly purchased book in my hand, feeling the early August heat through the thin soles of my converse. Despite my confident exterior, my heart had been pounding loudly the whole time I was talking to that girl, Sara. I had definitely noticed her checking me out, but I she didn't seem to get that I was gay and checking her out as well.

She looked so cute while she was reading; leaning forward and biting her nails like I might while watching an intense or scary movie. I felt a twinge of guilt for buying what was probably the only copy of her favorite book in the tri-province area, but I really needed it to take care of my ex, Gracie's fines.

"Tegan! You're late from lunch break!" cried my boss, Jim as he tossed my my uniform apron.

"Sorry" I mumbled, as I put on the uniform, ready to finish off the rest of my shift as a waitress. I longed to get home to my guitar. A song idea was forming in my head, and I hummed it over and over as to not forget it before I could write it down.

_Don't get in_

_over your head_

_I just want to... _

And every time I got to that part, a roadblock flew up in my mind, and I couldn't figure out what should come next.

Exhausted from a long day of working a job I hated, I took the bus home and rushed to scribble down the unfinished lyrics. My roommate and best friend, Morgan, tapped on my door, knocking me out of a daze from playing the same fragmented guitar part over and over.

"Come in" I said in a defeated tone, and leaned my old guitar against the wall. Morgan entered my room.

"Hey Teegs" she said gently. "How are you doing?" I knew she thought I was still upset about Gracie leaving me a couple of months ago. That didn't surprise me, seeing as I had just stopped sobbing uncontrollably a few weeks ago. Now, for some reason, after meeting Sara, I was starting to feel the strength to move on, picking up the pieces of my life on the way.

"I'm great, actually" I said honestly. "How are you?"

"Umm... good, good." she said a little too casually. I knew there was something she wasn't telling me.

"Did something happen, Morgan?"

"Yeah. umm... Gracie stopped by today while you were at work." My heart jumped into my throat.

"What did she want?" I asked. I tried to keep my voice even, but I knew some of the spite I felt leaked out into my voice.

"She didn't say. She... left this." Morgan pulled a package out from behind her back. When I didn't say anything, she placed it on my dresser, and walked out, mumbling something about leaving me alone for a few minutes.

I got up to retrieve the brown package and opened it. Inside was a book- Independence Day. In spite of myself, I started laughing loudly. Gracie had finally returned the overdue book- probably the most helpful thing she'd done since we started dating over two years ago. My heart leapt as I realized that i could now return the book I bought to Sara. Hopefully, she would still be there the next time I went in, because I had no way of contacting her otherwise.

I picked up the book I had purchased earlier that day, and read the inside cover. The synopsis seemed uninteresting, but I was curious to see what part of the story had Sara so captivated. As I opened the book to the first page, a small scrap of paper fluttered down to the floor. I knelt to pick it up

_583-2901_

_Sara Cell_

Literacy does have it's rewards after all...


	3. Want To Be Bad: Part Two

Want To Be Bad-Part Two

Sara's P.O.V.

My phone rang loudly from another room, making me jump. I threw down my book, and ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, looking for my cell phone. I finally found it, in my pants pocket in the laundry basket.

"Hello?" I said anxiously; breathlessly, hoping that Tegan's voice would answer, telling me she had read Independence Day, and adopted it as her new favorite. She wanted me to have it back...

"Hi, Sara. It's your mother. Are you ok?" I sighed inwardly, scolding myself for ridiculous wishful thinking. Tegan would probably never open that book, and find the number I had slipped in while she was fumbling in her wallet.

"I'm ok. I just thought you were... someone else." I'd probably be getting calls from random strangers who had checked out the book for months.

"Mmm.. What's her name?" asked my mom knowingly. I usually felt awkward talking to my mother about my love life, but I wanted to share my fleeting connection with Tegan with someone, and it seemed too silly to call up any of my friends about.

"Her name is Tegan... she came in the bookstore today." There was silence on the other line, which was odd- usually she bubbled exitedly whenever I talked about my crushes or girlfriends.

"Mom, are you still there?" I asked.

"Yeah... sorry Sara. I was just... remembering something that happened a long time ago. Tegan- that's an unusual name, eh?"

"That's what I thought when I heard it. Oh well, who knows if it will amount to anything."

"Just as well" said my mother rather quickly. "So, Sara, the reason I called was to ask if you'd like to fly down for Christmas this year."

"Sure, that sounds good." I said. "But isn't August a little early to be planning for Christmas?"

"There's a sale on, and I wanted to know if I'd have to ship your gifts across the country like last year. Also, I'll only be able to pay for half of your ticket this time."

"That's ok. Hopefully I'll get a Christmas bonus to help pay for it." I said optimistically.

Suddenly, my phone beeped, signaling that someone was trying to call through. Pulling the phone away to look at the number, I realized I didn't recognize it. I quickly said goodbye to my mother and answered the call just before it went to voice mail.

"This is Sara" I said.

"Hi...this is Tegan?" she said, sounding unsure. My palms got sweaty as I worried my mind would go blank and we wouldn't have anything to talk about.

"Hey Tegan. I'm, uh... glad you found my number." I said awkwardly.

"Me too. I'd... um like to return the book I bought today."

"Why? Is there something wrong with it?" I asked.

"No, no- It's nothing like that." she assured me. "I just sort of... acquired the original copy and I could tell it was your favorite book and all..."

"It is my favorite." I said, smiling. "Can you drop it off at the store tomorrow?" I asked.

"No, I have to use my lunch hour to go to the library." I frowned. Tomorrow _was_ a Friday.

"Well, why don't you come over?"

"Ok, when?"

"Are you busy now?"

"Not really."

And before I knew it, Tegan was sitting on my couch, the precious copy of Independence Day was in one of my bookcases, and I was in the kitchen retrieving two beers. I heard raindrops pelting the windows, and a thrill run through me as I wondered if Tegan would have to spend the night. I coughed, embarrassed, and told my perverted mind to shut up as I returned to the living room with our beverages.

"Thanks" said Tegan, smiling brightly up at me. I again scolded myself. I barely knew this girl, and of course she would take a cab home if the rain didn't stop soon. I just hoped the storm wouldn't escalate; thunder and lightning always made me nervous. I looked over at Tegan on the other side of the couch. She seemed lost in thought, her eyes shut. I shamelessly took advantage of this, letting my eyes wash over her for the second time in a day.

"What are you thinking about?" I ventured.

"Nothing, I'm just a little blocked right now."

"Are you a writer?"

"No- a musician, sort of. You play?" she asked, gesturing towards the new guitar in the corner of the room i had splurged on a few months ago. Something about how rich and full the instrument sounded had always drawn me in.

"Umm... just recently." I said, making a long story short. "I was never really allowed to get into music as a kid, so I thought better late than never."

"Why weren't you allowed?" asked Tegan. I noticed she was closer to me than just a minute ago, but I didn't move away.

"My mom always pushed me to focus on school more. Something about me being her only child." I said, remembering how my mother had insisted I study more every time I begged her for a guitar.

_I won't see my only child fall behind because of some stupid music dream! _

She would say, angrily and a bit sadly, as if she wished she had had another kid. As if something were missing.

Suddenly, a loud crash of thunder made me screen and jump into Tegan's arms, shaking with fear.

"Ohmygod, ohmygod." I repeatedterrified that another lightning strike would come, hitting me or Tegan. She stroked my hair and told me everything was fine. Soon, I started to relax a bit, but I didn't move away from her embrace. I felt secure, safe, and warm in her arms.

When I finally opened my eyes, my apartment was dark. The power must have gone out. Suddenly embarrassed that I was clinging to and probably crushing the girl I had just met that day, I stated to pull away.

"I'll go, get some candles."

"Wait." said Tegan, pulling me back firmly into her grasp, brushing her soft lips against mind and sending shocks of delicious electricity all through me. I pushed my lips against hers, this time more intensely, letting her soft silky tongue explore my mouth and mingle with my own. I let out a soft moan as her mouth nibbled at my neck and her warm hands started moving up my back, urging my shirt over my head and onto the floor.

Everywhere her hands and lips touched left trails of fire across my skin. Tegan hesitated, her mouth inched from my heaving chest, her hands frozen in the motion of unclasping my bra.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked, looking up at me with glistening eyes.

"Tegan, I just want to..." I paused, embarrassed again.

"Want to what?" she urged me on.

"I just want to be bad tonight." I said. Her eyes grew wide, and my bra well the rest of the way off.

I gave into her touch, loving every second.


	4. When I Get Up

Chapter 3

Tegan's P.O.V.

Sunlight spilled onto my closed eyes, turning black to muted red. I wondered why I hadn't drawn the curtains before I went to bed.

Suddenly, the memories of the night before came flooding back. My eyes flew open, and a smile formed on my slightly swollen lips. I looked next to me where Sara's pale, smooth back moved gently with her breathing. I traced a finger lightly down the faint line of her spine, barely touching her skin. Sara sniffed, and turned over to face me, still sleeping. Her hair fell over her face and shoulders, sunlight playing over her beautiful features. I leaned forward to place my lips against hers, just as I had the night before.

"Good Morning." mumbled a smiling Sara drowsily. She reached to wrap her arms around me tenderly, and I did the same. She laid her head on my chest and my chin rested on the top of her head. We fit so perfectly together, like two puzzle pieces reunited after one was lost under the couch for a year.

"I've never done that before." whispered Sara into my neck.

"What, sex?" I cried in alarm.

""No, silly. I meant sleeping with someone I just met. I'm not really like that."

"Me neither." I admitted.

"But it doesn't feel like we just met."

"Yeah, it's like we've known each other all along." I continued.

""Like a memory you can't quite reach, an itch you can't quite scratch. And then it's there- right in front of you." she said. I was taken aback by how in sync with each other's thoughts we were. I realized that I had never felt this connected to another person before... not like with Sara.

"Hey, Tegan?"

"Yeah?"

"I have to pee. " she said, and with a wicked grin, launched from the bed and shot into the bathroom, still stark naked.

I lay in her bed giggling. Sara was truly amazing and funny. I might have even been falling... no! I couldn't think about that this early in the relationship. But was it even a relationship at that point, or just meaningless sex? No, I never really thought that. If anyone had asked me what Sara and I did that night, I would have said we made love. _Great_ love in fact.

I looked at the clock on Sara's night-stand.

"Oh, Shit!" I cried in alarm. I was already noon! I leapt from the bed, and ran around the room, searching for my pants, which were nowhere to be found. I raced into the living room in a frenzy, almost skidding on the wood floors as I rounded a corner. I finally found my pants, and tore out my cell phone from the back pocket. I sniffed loudly, calling all of the forced in my body to make me sound as close to dying as possible. There was only one way out of this, and I pressed the speed dial solemnly.

"Jim's Diner, how may I help you?"

"This is..." -I paused to cough convincingly "Tegan Hamilton."

"What the hell, Tegan? You decided to just not show up with no notice?"

"But I'm sick, Jim!" I whined, holding my nose so I sounded stuffed up.

"No no no. You don't call in sick FOUR HOURS after your shift starts!"

"What if I got a doctor's note?" I pleaded.

"Yeah right. I'm not falling for that one again. Here's some advice- the next time you get laid, set the alarm!"

"But, I didn't- I mean... I could come in now. Even though I'm umm.. really sick."

"Don't bother! You're fired!" He shouted and the line went dead. I groaned and collapsed back on the couch.

"Oooh look, there's a naked lady on my couch!" exclaimed Sara, emerging from the bedroom in boxer shorts and a wife beater. I paused to drool as she approached me.

"What's the matter, grumpy?" she asked, moving my legs to sit on the end of the couch. I eased into a sitting position and recounted the conversation I just had.

"Holy crap!" she said "I can't believe it's that late already! I have to call my boss too!" She jumped up, and started towards the kitchen for some privacy. "Feel free to borrow some clothes if yours are dirty!" she cried across the apartment. Feeling exposed even though I was alone in the room, I gathered my pants and underwear and retreated to the bedroom to hunt for the rest of my apparel. finding my shirt hung in a far corner. It was still damp from the drizzling rain as were my pants, so I decided to take Sara up on her offer and opened the closet.

Sara seemed to be into striped shirts and button downs while most of my wardrobe (all of it in piles on my bedroom floor) consisted of band t shirts and jeans. I picked the least offensive combination and slipped it on.

Sara walked into the room as I was still rolling up the sleeves of her t shirt the way I usually did with my own.

"Good news! I still have a job! Turns out my boss got laid last night too and didn't show up either!" she said. I smiled at her warmly.

"That's great. One lost job in one day is enough."

"Yeah, really!" she exclaimed "So, ready for waffles?" she asked

"Hell yeah." I replied, and followed her into the kitchen. I knew then I was into something good, and that this definitely be more than a one night stand.


	5. Knife Going In

Chapter 4: Knife Going In (Part One)

1 year and 5 months later

Sara's P.O.V.

The cab jerked to a halt, waking me from my restless sleep. I peeled my face off of the cool glass and looked outside the window. The snow was drifting serenely in front of my childhood home, snow flurries illuminated in the glow of the lamp above the door. I looked to my left at a squirming Tegan. She was obviously nervous about meeting my mom, Sonia for the first time.

"She's going to love you" I said, resting my hand on her shoulder and squeezing lightly, trying to transfer some of the comfort I felt. In reply, she smiled tremulously at me, and we exited the cab with our baggage. I knocked on the worn red door which swung open immediately, letting a stream of golden light and smells of cookies, the Christmas ham, and of the real tree that my mom insisted on putting up every year- even if she had no company.

"Sara! I'm so glad to see you!" my mother cried and embraced me tightly. We followed her inside the warm house, Tegan carrying the majority of the baggage- but mostly because she packed heavier. My mom turned to face Tegan, who dropped what she was in her hands to extend them to my mom. But instead of shaking it, she just stared at Tegan in confusion.

"Mom" I prompted. "This is my girlfriend, Tegan. Don't you remember she was coming?"

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Quin." Tegan stammered, awkwardly retracting her hand when she saw my mother didn't intend on shaking it.

"Mom, what's the matter?" I asked in alarm. I watched in horror as my mom looked at me and said;

"Is this some sort of joke?"

"There's no joke." I said, confused. Tegan was looking as uncomfortable as ever, fiddling with her hands and looking extremely embarrassed.

"Care to tell me how you tracked her down, Sara?" Asked my mom bitterly, staring daggers into my eyes with her back turned to Tegan.

"What are you talking about? Track who down?"

"Your sister. Tegan."

"Wow, mom. I think you're confused. This is my girlfriend-"

"Don't say it!" my mother interrupted in a low, tense voice. "Don't you think I'd recognize my own child when I see her?" She was angry, trembling and tears were streaming down her face. She suddenly turned to Tegan and hugged her tightly. Tegan tried to push her away, unsure of what was happening.

Before I go forward, I should go back and explain…

Tegan and I had been together for about five months before I went to Calgary to spend Christmas with my family. Tegan decided to spend the holiday with Morgan's family because she couldn't afford to fly with me after losing her job.

While at my mom's house, I missed Tegan fiercely and wished she were there with me all the time. At first, I talked about her often, but stopped when it seemed to make my mom uncomfortable whenever I brought up her name.

When we got back from vacation, Tegan and I were so happy and relieved to see each other that we decided to move in together right then. Tegan spent so much time at my apartment as it was, so it only made sense.

We rarely fought, but when we did, it was always over something stupid, and we both ended up apologizing at eerily the same exact time. It sometimes felt like Tegan and I were always on the same frequency that no one else seemed to be able to tune in to. And after over a year with her, I finally had a chance to introduce her to my family. I was so excited about the upcoming Christmas, not to mention the surprise Tegan kept telling me about.

But through all of this, one thing kept cycling through the back of my mind. All of our friends seemed puzzled by how much alike Tegan and I looked, even though neither of us saw it that much. But everyone eventually wrote it off as a weird fluke when we insisted we weren't related and came from different parts of the country.

Looking back now, I should've known. I should've seen that the connection between Tegan and I was much, much more than between normal lovers. It was something much stronger than either of us was ready for, running through our very veins. Something the rest of the world may not be ready for…


	6. Frozen

**A/N- Sorry this chapter is so long, I just didn't think I should make a habit out of dividing the long ones into two parts. I hope everyone likes it, and thank you everyone who left reviews and favorited the story!**

**P.S.- Just a quick warning: this chapter has a slight *ahem* adult situation. But it's still rated T. :)  
**

Knife Going In: Part Two

Tegan's P.O.V.

"Sonia, Dad called. His flight got delayed-oh, hi!" A woman who I assumed was Sara's aunt Julie emerged around the corner. She hugged Sara tightly, then saw me just as Sara's mom unwrapped me from her thoroughly uncomfortable embrace.

"Julie. She's here- Tegan." My mom said.

"Oh, um. You don't mean... Wasn't Sara's girlfriend supposed to be coming?"

"She's _is_ my girlfriend." Sara said, arms crossed.

"_No_ she's not." said my Mom automatically.

"I am. Really." I said finally and extended my hand to a puzzled Julie.

"Nice to meet you, Tegan." Said Julie and shook my hand politely. There was a long, awkward silence in the room.

"Well... Tegan, why don't we get you settled in the spare room. I'll help you with those bags" She lightly wrested a luggage bag from Sara who murmured thanks and we headed down the hall. I heard low, tense voices as soon as we turned the corner.

"Thank you." I said hastily, grateful to escape the intensely weird atmosphere. I grabbed our luggage and followed Julie into the guest room, down in the basement. It was warm and cozy. I noticed a Weezer poster on one of the walls above the dresser and a small stack of vinyl records in one corner.

"This was Sara's old room." said Julie, confirming my sentiments. I eyed the twin bed, predicting an uncomfortable night for a certain couple used to sleeping in a queen size.

"I could tell." I said, by way of conversation. I opened my suitcase on the bed, and set to placing my items in the empty dresser drawer. "So... um, what's the matter with Sara's mom?" I asked, busying myself with arranging my clothes.

"Oh, she's just been sort of... off since our mom- Sara's grandmother died a while ago."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. It wasn't like it was unexpected, but it hit her the hardest."

"She said... she said she thought Sara and me were sisters?"

"That's just... Well- it's a long story." I turned around to face her.

"Tell me? I think we've got plenty of time while they work things out upstairs." I asked softly. Julie hesitated, twisting her fingers in her hands and realizing I wouldn't just let it go. What happened with Sara's mom had really unnerved me. This trip was definitely not going how I had planned or hoped, and the surprise I'd been planning for Sara- well I wanted it to be perfect for her. I wanted to give her a memory she wouldn't forget... or regret.

"Alright. I'll tell you. But promise not to say anything to Sara."

"Ok. I won't tell her" I said Immediately.

"No. You have to swear. If Sara knew about this, it could completely change things between her and her mother- and definitely not for the better."

"That's the last thing I want. I promise. Not a word to Sara."

"Ok. So Sara actually had a sister- a twin."

"But, Sara said she was an only child."

"She was...is. At least that's how she was raised. Sonia put her up for adoption and named her Tegan. She's regretted it ever since, but she really didn't have enough to support two girls as a single mother."

"Oh... oh, I see."

"You and Sara look a lot alike, you know."

"We've been told that."

"You're not..."

"I'm not adopted." I said before she could complete her sentence.

"Of course. I was being silly." Julie looked down at my suitcase, noticing Sara's surprise I'd hidden under my clothes. She smiled knowingly.

"You must really love her."

"I really do. More than anything. I just hope this whole mix-up doesn't ruin the surprise."

"It won't. Sonia probably just needs some time to cool off, and everything will be fine. And I'm sure she'll calm down once Sara's grandfather gets here tomorrow afternoon."

"Thank you so much, Julie. I was planning on giving it to her tomorrow morning, actually." I said, and warmly hugged her. The basement door opened, and pounding footsteps on the stairs rang through the room. Realizing the item was still exposed on the bed, I lunged for it and managed to stuff it in my back pocket just as Sara entered the room.

"Hey guys." Sara said shakily, her arms wrapped around herself as if she were cold.

"I'll leave you two alone to unpack." Julie said considerately, and rubbed Sara's arm reassuringly as she left the room. As soon as the basement door closed, Sara's eyes overflowed with tears. I rushed to her side and wrapped my arms tightly around her.

"What's the matter, Sasa?"

"Tee, I've never seen her like this."

"Your aunt Julie said she just needs some time to cool down."

"I don't know... she seemed really upset. She-she wants us to do a DNA test or something."

"Are you serious? So she actually believes we're..."

"I told her no way."

"Maybe we should do it. Just to prove we're not even related."

"Tegan... I don't know. I don't want to fuel the fire."

"I just want to prove that I'm serious about being a part of your family."

"Oh, Teegs. When did you get so serious?" She asked, smiling and tilting her head to the side. I lifted my right hand to wipe the remainder of her tears away.

"When I found something too precious to lose."

"Aw. You big sap."at this I smiled, and kissed her gently. Her hands went around my waist bringing me even closer as her silky tongue snaked past my lips, flicking and mingling with my own.

"Dinner won't be ready for an hour." she purred in my ear, and moved in to suck hard on my exposed neck. I gasped loudly, and let my hands wander down to her hips, pushing her into me.

"What if someone comes in?" I asked with great difficulty, my breath coming fast.

"Don't worry about it." Sara said hastily, and unbuttoned my plaid shirt with skilled fingers. She sighed in frustration when she discovered I was wearing a t-shirt under it.

"I hate winter." she growled, and reached for the hem of my t-shirt.

"Getting impatient?" I asked, and swatted her hands away lightly. I grabbed her firmly by her wispy waist and led her to the small bed across the room, and pushing the suitcase to the ground, laid Sara on her back. Her hands snaked behind my neck and brought me in for another kiss, this time more aggressively. As I let my hands wander under her shirt, I felt her hands move down to my lower back, then lower. Her hands froze as they felt the small bulge in my back pocket.

"Tegan. What the hell is that?" she started to reach in my pocket, and I jumped off of the bed just in time.

"It's...uhh. It's nothing." I smiled, and grabbed her suitcase from the floor. I laid it on the bed, and started to grab her neatly rolled clothes and place them next to mine in the top drawer wooden dresser.

"Nothing, huh?"

"Yup. Don't worry about it."

"Mmm... ok. Then come back over here. I'm not finished with you yet."

"Sara. We are _not_ going to have sex in your Mother's house."

"But-"

"In broad daylight."

"But Teg-"

"While your family is just upstairs and wide awake."

"Fine. But you're going to get it later." I started to form another retort, turning around to face her, eyes mid-roll. But then I saw her expression, completely somber and staring up at me from under her long bangs. I knew she was serious about getting me back later- I gulped as I became as impatient as Sara had been just minutes ago.

"N-nympho." I managed to choke out as my imagination started to spiral out of control. I turned around so she wouldn't see my flushed face.

"Tease." She mumbled back. I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Well I''m going to take a shower before dinner." I said, heading towards the small adjoining bathroom. Sara sprang up to follow me.

"Alone." I said firmly and shut the door behind me. I heard her frustrated groan through the door.

"I have to take a shower too! You take forever!"

"Maybe you should spend some time planning how to get me back!" I cried, and started the stream of water, drowning out her reply.

Sara's P.O.V.

With Tegan in the shower and nothing left to do with all of my clothes unpacked, I decided to head upstairs to see if I could help with dinner. I just hoped my mom had calmed down since the scene in the living room. I made my way down the hall towards the kitchen, but felt my feet stop moving before I entered the kitchen and dining room. I heard what I could tell was a serious conversation from behind the swinging door, and wavered there, not sure what to do.

"Trust me Sonia, I talked to Tegan. She's not even adopted." I heard Julie say to my mother in the kitchen. I heard silverware clanging lightly and pictured her setting the table as she had the many times visiting in my childhood.

"How can you look at them side by side and not recognize it?"

"They _are_ very similar. But everyone makes mistakes, Sis."

"I want to believe that- I do."

"Look, Sonia. I know you regret giving up Sara's twin sister all those years ago." I started to gasp, and covered my mouth to muffle the sound. Sister, what sister? Luckily, the conversation continued without them detecting my presence. "-And I understand it hurts to see your only daughter growing up. Just please don't let that ruin things for Sara. They're so happy together, you can just see the glow in Sara's eyes."

"N-no. I don't want to ruin that. I suppose you're right. I just made a mistake- it was a trick of the light or something." I heard my mom sniff lightly, hopefully ending her flow of tears. I stood, frozen to the spot, unable to move or think.

"I'll go get the girls for dinner." said Julie, and started moving towards the door. I panicked, looking left and right but unable to move.

"Wait. Julie- make sure you knock. You know how 20-somethings are." I heard them both giggle, and decided to take this chance to open the door.

"Oh- hi, Sara." they both said, still snickering like idiots.

"H-hey." I stammered. "I just came up to see if dinner's ready."

"Yup- it's all done actually. Where's Tegan?" asked Julie. My mom didn't even flinch at the sound of her name, but just smiled, seeming determined to put the mix up behind her.

"She's taking a shower. She should be up in a few minutes." I tried my best to smile, my head spinning wildly. How long were they intending on keeping this secret from me? Would they ever tell me? I concentrated on not letting my anger or confusion show as my mother hugged me tightly and apologized for freaking out on Tegan.


	7. Darling

**Warning: There is a scene towards the end that is pretty... intimate. There's no sex in this chapter, but it is referenced.**

**(This is what happens when I read too much smut!)**

CHAPTER 6

Tegan's P.O.V.

"Tegan! Tegan, wake uuuupp!" someone was jumping on the bed, narrowly missing my curled up legs on the small space. I squinted open my crusty feeling eyes, and tried to avoid Sara's warpath. Unfortunately, that meant rolling onto the floor, taking half the blankets with me.

"What the hell, Sara!" I yelled, struggling to my feet, clinging the blankets to my exposed body. I couldn't help but notice Sara was also scantly clad, wearing nothing but panties and a thin wife-beater. I hastily looked to away to hide my suddenly red face as I recalled the night before. Sara never failed to keep her promises...

"It's Christmas!" She yelled, and jumped off of the bed and over to the pile of jeans I had been to lazy to hang up and fished out a pair to slip on.

"Jesus Christ, it's seven in the morning! I was planning on sleeping another three hours at least." Sara skipped over to me, pecking me lightly on the lips.

"I know you had a long night." she said in a suddenly low voice. "I'm going to go take a shower, seeing as I didn't get one last night. I'll meet you upstairs. Behave so I won't have to punish you again tonight." Oh God. I watched her shimmy into the bathroom as I stood frozen, catching my breath. The water creaked on, and I started to pace the room frantically. Today was the day, and nervous sweat started popping out on my palms. I got dressed, and then remembered the actual surprise after I had already started up the stairs. I'd been so worked up over the delivery, the actual item I'd agonized over for months had slipped my mind.

_Calm down Teegs. Deep breath now. You can _do _this._

I thought as I slipped the small package back into my pocket. In the living room, I saw Sara's mom and aunt were already seated and waiting, sipping coffee (I guess some things run in families), and glancing eagerly at the pile of presents that had suddenly appeared under the fragrant tree.

"Morning Sa-...umm, Tegan." Said Sara's Mom, looking over her steaming cup with a shaky smile, averting my gaze.

"Morning Mrs. Quin; Julie. Sara's in the shower."

"Sorry, sorry. Your... haircuts are just very similar." I didn't even hear her, my heart was beating so fast. I calculated in my head the time left before Sara emerged to dive into her presents, and I guessed it was just a few minutes. Sara never took her time in the shower (when she was alone at least), and when she was exited enough to jump all over the bed like a five year old, odd were we'd probably hear her thumping footsteps all too soon.

"Ok. I... um. I have a surprise for Sara. I was going to tell you yesterday, but honestly, I thought I'd have more time this morning to explain..."

"Tegan, wait. Julie already told me all about it." they both exchanged knowing smiles. I gave a small sigh of relief, a fraction of my anxiety alleviated.

"I just can't wait to see the look on her face when you give it to her." said Julie, grinning ear to ear.

"Can we... see it?" asked Mrs. Quin. I nodded curtly, eyeing the basement door nervously as I showed them the special item. Julie and Sara's mom gasped, then smiled exitedly.

Sara burst through her door just as I stowed it back in its small box. My hand flew behind my back, and I thought my knees would collapse from their stubborn shaking. Sara plopped down on the overstuffed chair and swung her legs impatiently, looking up at me expectedly.

"Tegan, why are you still standing? Are you getting presents? Ooo, get Mom's first it's a good one!" I stood, not moving, looking down at Sara's beautiful face. This was the perfect moment, but I couldn't move. The words I had planned to say slipped from my mind much easier than I had willed them to stay there. Julie nudged my arm inconspicuously. I dropped down in front of Sara, staring up at her confused expression.

"Tee, what are you-" I put my hand on her knee lightly, took it off, then put it on again and retracted my other hand, presenting her with the item I had agonized over for months. Sara's eyes went wide as I opened the box.

"Sara...You know I love you- more than anything."

"Oh my god. Tegan...I-"

"Sara, will you marry me?"

Sara's P.O.V.

"Yes!" I cried immediately, presenting the appropriate finger for her to slip the beautiful gold ring on. My smile threatened to break free of my face it was so big as I saw that it fit me perfectly. She fished in her pocket and withdrew a similar ring and placed it on her own finger, intertwining her hands in mine. It was perfect-she was absolutely perfect. I just wish everything could be- I had to tell her about my discovery yesterday- I had to be completely honest with her from this point on.

"Well... I think we'll go get breakfast ready. Then we can eat and open some presents." Said Julie, to my relief and trailed my mother by the hand into the kitchen. I stifled a laugh as I pictured them gossiping like school girls as soon as the kitchen door swung shut. I looked down at a dazed looking Tegan.

"Umm... Tegan. You can get up now."

"Oh... right." she laughed and sat on the couch, still holding me hand in hers.

"I have something to tell you..."

"Oh God. You changed your mind already."

"No, silly! I overheard Julie and mom in the kitchen yesterday. They said... they said something about me having a sister."

"Oh no. Oh shit. You haven't mentioned this to anyone else have you?"

"Umm... no? Why?"

"Honestly... your aunt told me last night while you were talking to your mom upstairs."

"But...! What the-"

"I promised... I swore not to say anything to you. I didn't want to ruin things between you and your mom."

"I-I understand you swore. I'm just a little shaken. I-It's been a big morning." I gave a jittery giggle.

"Let's just keep the fact that you know between us, ok."

"Ok... but... But Tegan I want to m-meet her."

"Meet who? Your sister?"

"Yeah." I confirmed. Tegan rubbed my hand reassuringly.

"We'll find a way, Sara. You'll meet her one day..."

Tegan's P.O.V.

"Well, I'd better go check on the pie." Said Sara's mom, picking up the plate of snack fruit and heading for the kitchen.

"Wait." I cried, getting up and walking after her. "Let me help you."

"Umm... Thank you, Tegan."

"Oh, yeah. I'll go with you." said Sara.

"No, no. Why don't you tell your grandpa about the big news?"

"Well.. I-"

"What big news?" came the wizened but friendly voice of Sara's grandfather. I managed to make it the rest of the way to the kitchen, the exited voices fading behind me. Sighing a breath of relief, I let the kitchen door swing completely shut behind me.

"Help me check on the pie? Really?" said Sara's mom, leaning against the counter smiling knowingly.

"You're right. I did kind of have an ulterior motive."

"Well?"

"Mrs. Quin, I... I want you to do the DNA test."

"What? No! I thought that was all behind us."

"It isn't though, is it?" I started. "I can see it in your eyes every time you see Sara and me together. I want you to know I'm serious about this... about Sara. I want to be a real part of this family... and that's something I've never really had before."

"Oh, Tegan." Sara's Mom gathered me up in her arms, squeezing me in a hug a lot more comforting than the one from the previous day.

"And Sara said you weren't mature..."

"She said what?"

"Oh, umm never mind, dear. The point is- you don't have to prove anything to me... or anyone else in our family. Sara loves you. That's enough for us to accept you in our family."

"But still... take these. Please." I presented her with the samples in plastic bags I'd collected from Sara's oblivious head and my own. I'd written our names on each bag in sharpie so they wouldn't be confused in the lab.

"When did you get this?"

"Umm... Sara was... distracted."

"Oh. I see. I'll do the test. But you shouldn't worry about you two looking alike."

"You know- we didn't even realize we did until other people pointed it out..."

"I guess both of you are far more focused on what's inside."

"We are. Thank you for talking to me." I said smiling. Sara's mom nodded, and placed the two samples delicately in her apron pocket, patting my shoulder assuringly as we headed back into the living room.

"Tegan! Could you come help me in here!"

"I'll, umm be right back Mrs. Quin." I said, and headed down the hall towards the sound of Sara's call. I saw it was coming from the bathroom, and I paused to knock.

"Did you fall in or something?" I said quietly- but I knew she could hear me because her muffled snicker echoed off of the bathroom walls and through the door.

"No. Get in here." Sara said, and quickly half- opened the door, dragging me through roughly by my collar and pinning me against the door.

"Umm... Sara. W-what are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing?" she growled in my ear, her chilly hands traveling up my shirt to squeeze me intimately through my bra. She pushed a firm thigh between my legs, her lips trailing along my exposed neck.

"Sara!" I screamed in a whisper. She didn't respond, her fingers fiddling with my jean button. "Sara! Stop!" I pried her hands from my jeans just as she pried open the button, though the ache between my legs and both of our ragged breathing was making it hard to think.

"What? What's the matter."

"Sara. We are not going to do this here."

"But, Teeeeee!" she whined. "I want you..."

"You just _had_ me last night. Why are you such a nympho?"

"It's not my fault you're so hot."

"Well you're going to have to wait."

"How long? Until tonight?"

"Nope. I'm not spending another night worrying about your mother hearing us."

"Then... when we get home." I grabbed a fistful of her shirt and spun her around to press her against the door.

"Wouldn't want to disturb the neighbors. They've already complained twice. Remember how they thought I was hurting you, you screamed so loud?"

"And I couldn't walk straight for days. Oh, God, Tee. I remember. You're not going to make me wait that long, are you?"

"I don't know. Where's our honeymoon going to be?" I whispered lowly in Sara's ear, eliciting a small whimper. I suddenly pulled away and exited the bathroom, leaving her in a daze. I tried to calm myself down and control my bright red face before I re-entered the living room. Despite my confidence and control I had just projected with Sara, I knew it would be a long wait for me as well. A very, very long wait.


	8. Don't Confess

**A/N: This chapter is partly based on an (awesome) dream I had a few weeks ago. Enjoy! **

**P.S.- Tegan's last name is Hamilton instead of Quin because of her adoptive parents names in case that wasn't clear ( but more about that in the next chapter, I promise)**

**~February~**

"Play something on those guitars, guys." cried my boss, Nancy from behind the front desk. I looked at her in confusion; Tegan and I had been strumming and talking for an hour or so in the bookstore where I worked , lounging on the threadbare furniture. It was how we'd spent our evening during the last few weeks- being generally too tired from work to go out with our friends.

"What? We've been playing forever." complained Tegan, her fingers still nimbly flirting with the light strings on her acoustic.

"No. Play a real song together!" at this, I shot a nervous glance at Tegan sitting across from me. I knew she'd always been wary about playing her songs in front of others. I'd heard them all of course- she used them to teach me to play, forcing my fingers to adapt to her fast tunes, but always being patient when I faltered or forgot.

To my surprise, she started strumming the opening chords to "Want to be bad", her eyes closing as she concentrated. I joined in with her strumming, picking out the notes she'd showed me countless times. I could still feel her fingers burning on mine when she showed me where to place them, though it had been months ago. Letting my voice mingle with, but never overpower hers, I followed along, never taking my eyes off of her beautiful fingers sprawling across the neck of her slightly battered guitar.

A familiar bell sounded in the shop and I heard muffles voiced behind me, and I felt my face flush and my fingers slip slightly. I looked up to Tegan's face, but she was too lost in the song to notice.

"The store is closed to customers, Ma'am."

"Since when do I ever buy anything?"

"Umm... since about- never. How was your day, hun?"

"Looonnngg. Ooh, what are they playing?"

"Go sit and listen- here, let me take your coat."

My boss's girlfriend, Ashley meandered over slowly, thankfully sensing the fragility of the situation, and seated herself next to Tegan, swaying with the rhythm slightly. As the song wound down, she patted Tegan's arm lightly.

"That was great! Play another?" Tegan bit her lip lightly, then nodded, looking down at her guitar as she started one of her newer songs. She'd only taught it to me briefly, and the fingerings were a little more complicated. I let my eyes close in concentration, willing my fingers to keep up with the fast beat. The song went on longer than usual, and I could hear Tegan's voice thick with emotion and raising in intensity before winding down to the end of the song.

And suddenly, there was clapping- and not just from my boss and her girlfriend. Tegan and I looked around to see several more people sitting around us.

"Wh-where did you guys come from?"

"We...we saw you guys playing through the window. You're great! I hope it's ok for us to listen in."

"You guys... really liked it?" asked Tegan.

"Yeah... you're going to play more, right?"

"Well... um?" Tegan looked up at me questioningly. I bit my lip.

"Ok. We can play one more. Is that ok Teegs?"

"Sure. If they want to hear it." I smiled wide, feeling my heart beat nervously. I looked around at the expecting faces.

"This song is dedicated to my beautiful fiance." I said, training my eyes on Tegan's and starting the song slowly. I never looked away from her gorgeous eyes as we played the song together- not making one mistake though I'd only written it days ago.

The applause was louder this time as I tore my gaze from Tegan's to look around at the small crowd.

"Please play more. That was... amazing." I looked down to see a young girl with her hand on my arm. Tears were brimming in her eyes and I felt my own throat close up. How could our simple music have brought up such emotion? I think it was then I knew that as long as people like that girl were listening- I would keep playing.

I guess you could say it was our first concert. Tegan and I played for at least an hour and a half, the crowd slowly growing as our new audience called their friends around the city. When we ran out of our own original songs, we played some covers we both knew. Eventually, the bookstore emptied, every person hugging us and making us promise to reappear there the next Friday.

"Next Friday I'm charging tickets!"

"Don't get too crazy, Nancy. We only played one show." Tegan said, her breath misting into the cool air as we closed up the book shop.

"If that many people showed up just by word-of-mouth and seeing you guys playing through the window, you guys could be big in no time."

"I don't know if..." I started, shivering in the frigid February air. Tegan noticed and immediately wrapped her arm around me.

"Why didn't you tell me you guys were so talented?"

"Honestly, I had no idea until tonight." Tegan said as we said our farewells and headed towards home. In my mind I secretly disagreed with Tegan's comment- I'd known she was talented since the first time I'd heard her play and sing.

Tegan's P.O.V.

I rested my head against Sara's back and tightened my arms around her, just content to feel her breathing falling in time with mine.

"So are we going to do it?" she murmered into the dark, her hand resting on mine on her stomach.

"Do what?"

"I mean, play at the bookstore next Friday."

"I don't know. I want to... but-"

"I want to. I love playing music with you. Your voice is so beautiful."

"Oh, don't flatter me. You're just trying to get me in your bed."

"You're already in my bed. I mean it."

"I know... I feel the same way, Sasa."

"Mmm... Tee?"

"Yeah?"

"When are we getting married?"

"When everything is perfect."

"So... right now?"

"No. I just have to get everything perfect for you."

And just like that she fell asleep in my arms as my mind was still spinning. In the month since we returned to Vancouver, I'd been searching every corner of Canada for Sara's twin sister. Honestly, I'd thought it would be easy. I had the name of the adoption agency from Sara's mom, and I thought it would be as simple as calling and finding the address of her parents. To my dismay, I'd discovered the whole company had gone out of business, and every other connection just kept leading me in circles.

I knew it was unrealistic, but I wanted Sara to meet her other half, and I wanted her to be at our wedding. I knew as I stared into the stillness of our bedroom I wouldn't be able to rest until I finally found Sara's twin.

Sara's P.O.V.

I returned home early the monday after our first "concert", and plopped down on the couch in exhaustion. I was starting to worry about Tegan; it was obvious she wasn't sleeping enough, and she wouldn't give me any solid answers about our wedding. I hoped she wasn't having second thoughts-

Suddenly, I was awoken from my thoughts by the sound of the doorbell as I was twisting the ring around on my finger. Opening the door, I was surprised to see the mail person asking me to sign for a large envelope addressed to Tegan and I, which he promptly handed over. Puzzled, I tried to think of any orders I'd placed recently. The last time I'd had to for sign anything was when my Mom sent me my Christmas gifts through the mail almost two years ago. I turned it over in my hands to inspect the shipping label.

Calgary Genetics Lab Results

Ms. Tegan Hamilton and Ms. Sara Quin

8901 5th Avenue APT #204

Vancouver, British Columbia

I heard the front door slam as my brain turned circles around and around. I knew it couldn't be what I thought it was...

"Sara! I'm home! Hey, I picked up this wedding magazine and I thought we could... what's wrong?"

"Tegan. What the_ fuck_ is this?"


	9. Not Tonight

**A/N: SURPRISE! **

**Honestly- the suspense was killing me too :)**

All You Got

Chapter 8- Not Tonight

"Oh, wow. I forgot about that."

"What is it Tegan? Please tell me this isn't what I think it is!" Sara screamed, tears streaming down her face. I tried to hug her, but she pushed me away, still clutching the envelope.

"It-It wasn't supposed to come here! It must be a mistake."

"You didn't tell me about this!"

"No-I... I mean it was sort of between your mother and me."

"Oh, and did you get her to do this before or after you fucking proposed to me!"

"After." I said after a long pause. She looked at me, the pain in her eyes stabbing me sharply in the gut. She just shook her head and sat on the couch, her hands burying in her hands as she let the envelope fall to her feet.

I paced back and forth across the small living room, the pent up energy inside me almost too much to bear. If I didn't keep moving, I knew I'd explode- with angry words or tears I wasn't sure. I needed to bail- I needed to get out.

"I'm going out." I muttered, closing the door lightly behind me and tearing down the stairs and out of our building.

Yet again, I had fucked up my life when I was just on the verge of feeling perfectly happy. Honestly, I knew I should've told Sara about asking her mom to do the tests, but I needed that trust from her. I desperately needed to feel like a part of her family, and at that time, it seemed like the best way to prove myself...

"Would you... umm, like to order something ma'am?" came a nasally voice awakening me from my stupor. I looked around, realizing I'd ended up in Sara's favorite coffee place down the street from our house. I remember making coffee runs here most mornings for months when we started seeing each other, even though I hated the stuff.

"Co-offee please... lots of sugar... and milk." I muttered, barely choking out the words. The waitress scurried off and I shifted out of my winter coat and took deep breaths, trying to soothe myself. The last thing I wanted was to make a public scene and completely embarrass myself.

I pulled out the small crumpled of paper from my pocket, clenching it tightly in my fist. On it, I had scribbled the number of the adoption agency I had been referred to- the one that I had hoped would finally lead me to Sara's twin sister. I was sure this was the one, and suddenly, I felt anxiety clench in my gut. I couldn't find anymore faith in family anymore, and I couldn't imagine starting one with Sara when I completely messed up our relationship trying to fix things with hers. For the millionth time since I was 15, I started to feel the clenching fear, the desperate need to be alone, before I caused any more damage to anyone's lives. No one could help me now...

_ "Tegan! Come down here please!" _

_ "C-coming!" I sputtered, my heart beating fast just like it did every time one of my parents called me down from my room. I knew it was only a matter of time before they discovered the truth about me. But... not tonight... any night but tonight._

_ "Tegan, your music teacher and principal just had a conference call with me" my mom said, her lips pursing tight like they did whenever she was mad enough to yell- and sometimes to hit._

_ "Oh... um, what did she want?" I asked, breathing a small sigh of relief- music was my best subject, though the teacher and I didn't exactly get along. But even she had to admit, I excelled at every assignment she gave us, especially the piano. Whatever the call was about, I figured it must be good._

_ "She told me what you've been doing at school, Tegan. She said she was worried about your _home_ situation."_

_ "W-what?" I croaked, almost in a whisper, my eyes widening involuntarily in shock. Cold fear clenched in my chest as the horror took hold deep down inside. I could feel it- she knew._

_ "Your music teacher told me about you and Susan Wilson. Care to explain?" She stepped slowly towards me, and I tried not to stumble as I backed against the wall, wincing, waiting for the blow that was sure to come-_

"Here's your coffee, miss." I felt the warm, billowing steam hit me in the face as the woman set the coffee mug before me. Tears I didn't know I'd been crying had pooled on the table in a sorry little puddle. Feeling pathetic, I sipped the bitter drink, fighting my memories and trying to slip back into reality so I could deal with the situation at hand. I hated remembering more than anything...

_"Tee-Tee, w-where are you going?"_

_ "It's time for me to leave." _

_ "Will you be back to walk me to school tomorrow?"_

_ "No, Jason. I won't be back. Ever." I kissed my little brother's forehead, a few tears falling onto his thankfully unblemished face. I wasn't so lucky- I felt my face starting to swell, and I knew I'd have at least a black eye the next day. With my backpack full of clothes and a little money I had saved slung over my shoulder, and my guitar case in my hand, I slipped out of the first story window. I knew I couldn't bear to to leave through the front door, but I knew it didn't matter- They'd told I'd never really been a part of the familt- told me to get out, and I couldn't dare disobey. As I ran down the suburban street to catch the last bus that night, I vowed I would never be that weak again. I knew I only have myself to rely on from then on..._

"South Calgary Adoption Agency, how may I help you?"

"Oh... umm. Wrong number, sorry." I slammed the pay phone receiver down, breathing hard. The taste of coffee still laid bitter on my tongue as I stood shivering in an old fashioned phone booth. I gathered my coat tightly around me and quickly headed for home. I felt determination coursing through me with each footfall- I wasn't going to let this ruin my engagement, I wasn't going to let my own memories hurt Sara anymore...I knew what I had to do.

Sara's P.O.V.

"Sara! Sara where are you?" I heard the door slam for the second time that afternoon, making the walls tremble. Tegan's loud footsteps pounded on the hardwood floors as she searched the house for me. I didn't call out to her or tell her where I was- curled up on our bed because I knew in my gut what she was going to tell me. She'd leave me for being so harsh to her when I should have heard her out, letting my own insecurities I wouldn't dare tell anyone show their ugly influence.

The bedroom door flung open and Tegan immediately sat next to me on the bed, clutching me tightly, her sudden sobs slamming through my small frame.

_Well this is a weird way to break up. _

I thought in confusion as I rubbed circles in her back through her thick winter coat.

"Sara. I love you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you... I just-"

"Wait. You're not leaving me?"

"Leaving you? Why would I do that? I love you... so fucking much."

"You too, Tegan."

"Do you promise? No matter what?"

"Yes! Oh, Teegs I was so worried you'd leave and not come back."

"I'll never leave you again, Sasa. I promise."

"I-I'm so sorry about what I said before."

"Don't be." she said, and enveloped me in her arms, her lips passionately crashing onto mine. My fingers tangled in her long-uncut hair, pulling her down onto the bed with me, feeling her closer to me than ever before...


	10. Take Me Anywhere: Part One

**A/N: Just a heads up- I changed the rating to M for this chapter and future chapters. There is sex (and some swearing) in this chapter and probably the next one, so if it offends you, just skip them and I'll make sure I briefly explain everything so it doesn't take away from the story. Thanks and I hope you like this chapter! :) **

AYG Chapter: 9 Part One

Take Me Anywhere

**March**

**Sara's P.O.V.**

I awoke slowly, feeling stiff and exhausted. Opening my eyes, I looked around the dark room, eyes landing on the bedside clock.

_Shit, not even close to time to be awake._

I thought. I knew it would be impossible to fall back to sleep, so I released my grasp from a blissfully snoring Tegan and landed on the floor. A shiver traveled up my legs as my bare feet hit the cold hardwood floor. For the first time in months, I felt thankful for waking up clothed as I skittered into the hallway to crank up the thermostat to 75. Snickering, I knew Tegan would slaughter me in the morning- she was always trying to save some extra cash, even if it meant freezing her skinny little ass off. Though, honestly with her new job, we were doing pretty well lately. Most of our extra cash had been going into savings... and the honeymoon fund. Another shiver travelled up my spine that had nothing to do with the freezing apartment.

Over the past month, Tegan and I (mostly Tegan) had been planning our wedding at breakneck speed. Now, with the big day less than a week away and relatives arriving in the morning, I still had no idea where our honeymoon would be. Tegan and her secrets.

I just hoped it would be somewhere warm- maybe near the sea. I felt so tired of Canadian winters- where some parts of the world were thawing nicely by now, Montreal was still practically an oversized glacier. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the chilly wall as I pictured Tegan floating serenely in crystal clear water under a full moon. I imagined slipping into the water with her and feeling her lips dominate mine immediately- she's been waiting for this...

I moan loudly as I rub myself desperately in my pajama pants, my imagination running wild with thoughts of Tegan. I need to feel the release that she's been withholding from me for months.

Just as my hips start to buck into my frantically moving hand, I feel Tegan's presence. Her body is suddenly pressed tight against mine, and I open my eyes quickly, meeting hers with equal desire.

Before I could say anything, she grabbed my hand in hers, yanking it out of my underwear and greedily licking my fingers clean. I groaned in pleasure and frustration- I'd been so fucking close.

"Did I... wake you?" I whispered through pants. Tegan was so close to me, my breathy words had no trouble reaching her in the silent hallway.

"Yeah. I missed you next to me. Plus... I heard you moaning out here."

"Mmm. You did, huh?" I let my hands snake down her back to grip her ass shamelessly, trying to pull her into me.

"It was so fucking hot." She mumbled into my neck before nipping it gently and rolling her hips into mine slowly. I moaned lightly, grinding into her hips, trying to speed up her pace, but she was in control.

"Mmph.. Ah- Sara!" Tegan grunted and gave in- finally speeding up slightly. I felt my head fall back against the wall as I roughly met her thrusts, desperate for more contact.

"Tegan... more. Oh, God!" Tegan moved her toned thigh between my legs, her strong arms bringing me up slightly so I could control the pace. I ground against her faster and faster, already feeling the tension start to build in the pit of my stomach.

"Tegan! Harder..."

"Oh shit! That feels good, huh?" Tegan said gruffly.

"Yes, yes! Umm.. I'm gonna come!" I groaned through clenched teeth.

"Unf-unf- yeah!"

"I'm... I'm...Aaaah! Fuuck, Tee!" I practically screamed, my whole body shaking violently as I gripped Tegan impossibly close, holding onto the moment for dear life.

Eventually, Tegan brought her lips to mine tentatively, her lips trembling slightly. I could tell she hadn't come yet- she was still out of breath and I could feel the tension still built up in her body. Seeing my work cut out for me, I slipped a hand into her loose sweatpants to rub fast circles around her clit.

"Aaah! Jesus!" Tegan groaned. I was pleasantly surprised at her unusually vocal response, so I trust two fingers up into her wetness, loving the feeling her walls pulsating.

"Sara! Sara...unf... no-! Not here!" she cried, and pushed me off of her, backing away slightly.

"You'd rather finish this in the bedroom?" I said in a low voice, grabbing her hand, lightly leading her back towards our room.

"N-no I want...Friday-" She stuttered and ran back into the bedroom and shut the door behind her. Jesus that woman was stubborn.

Figuring it probably wouldn't be such a good idea to go back to bed just yet, I sprawled out on the couch and flipped on TV.

Suddenly, I heard a muffled moan through the thin walls. I turned up the volume, not feeling sympathy for a second- what Tegan wouldn't let me do for her, she'd just have to take care of herself. I just couldn't believe she was still trying to stick to her abstinence-until-the-wedding-day thing. She must have a will of steel.

It wasn't long before things... quieted down in the apartment. Feeling drowsy and worn-out all of a sudden, I switched off the TV and exited the living room. But on the way towards the hall, something caught my eye and made me stop in my tracks. The large manilla envelope was still sitting on the top of our junk mail pile on the kitchen table- neither of us had touched it for a month.

_Well... there's no need for this anymore, is there?_

I thought. Plus, the last thing I needed was my mother or Julie stumbling across it when they arrived tomorrow. I figured it was finally time to kill the ridiculous elephant in the room... once and for all. I grabbed up the envelope and dumped it the trash with decisive purpose before returning to bed. With it finally pushed from the back of my mind, I knew I'd be able to sleep soundly that night. And I'd undoubtedly need it... tomorrow would be a frenzy of activity and preparation before the wedding the next day.

A knot of nervousness suddenly clenched in my gut as I settled next to Tegan. I don't know how I could survive if she got cold feet... but I knew it was just a stupid paranoid thought. We were made for each other, and I knew her love was unconditional.

If only I'd known then how much that love would have to be tested over the next year... maybe we could've at least braced ourselves for what was to come.


	11. Take Me Anywhere: Part Two

**A/N: Yay! I finally finished the next chapter- sorry it's so freakin' long!**

All You Got Chapter 9

Part: 2

Tegan's P.O.V.

"Are you sure Tegan lives here?" aunt Julie asked Sara, gaping around at our apartment. "Didn't you say she was a slob?"

"Hey!" I cried in alarm. "I'm right here you know..."

"Oh, she is trust me. I have to force her to do laundry." Sara continued, ignoring me. I started to protest, but they chattered on. I turned to Sara's mom laughing.

"I'll show you the guest room, since they seem to be pretty busy." I said, throwing a look over my shoulder at Sara and her aunt retreating to the living room, no doubt still discussing my bad habits. I led Mrs. Quin into the small, cluttered room. It doubled as a computer room, a music room and very rarely a place for guests to sleep. Sara had already meticulously set up the fold out sofa, making the room appear more cramped than usual.

"Have you and Sara considered getting a bigger place? I mean won't you two need more room for-" started Sara's mom, setting her suitcase on the bed. I tentatively placed Julie's by the door, wondering who would have to sleep on the couch tonight.

"Umm... I don't know." I said hurriedly , interrupting her. "We haven't really talked about it. We've been kind of focused on getting everything ready for the wedding lately."

"Yes.. of course." Sara's mom smiled faintly and sat on the bed, eyeing the two guitars in the corner. I could tell she was tired from traveling since early that morning, and I wanted to escape before she asked more prying questions.

"I'll let you rest for a while. The bathroom is down the hall on the left if you need it." I said beaming and closing the door behind me, though my insides were churning. A new place? And I had a feeling Sara's mom wasn't talking about exercise equipment when she said we'd need more space. A family was the furthest thing from my mind, I mean I was only 27 for christ sakes... but what about Sara?

My mind still slightly spinning, I returned to the living room to see Sara and her aunt still chatting over steaming mugs of coffee. I collapsed on the couch, trying to smile and contain the sigh building in my chest.

"I'll... umm go check on Sonia. If she thinks I'm sleeping on the couch tonight, she's sadly mistaken." I smiled after her thankfully- she always seemed to sense just the right things to say and do. As soon as we heard the sound of the guest room door closing down the hall, Sara spoke.

"What's up, Tee?"

"Nothing, I mean it's nothing major. Your mom just hinted at us getting a bigger place... and not just for the two of us."

"Oh, God. Tell me she's not moving in."

"No... Hell no! She was talking about kids."

"Kids? We're not even married yet!"

"Not until tomorrow."

"I'm sorry if she freaked you out."

"Kind of. But I mean, it's sort of a normal in-law question, right? It's just that we've never even discussed it before."

"Well... do you want to discuss it?"

"Yeah, I mean right now?"

"Why not?"

"Ok, sure. How do you feel about having kids?"

"I don't know- I mean in the future, yeah. And a house and all. But now it's just..."

"Way too soon. I know." I finished for her as she trailed off. She grasped my hand and looked at me lovingly. So much love shone in her eyes and I could hardly believe it was all for me.

"I'm glad we could talk about this. I mean... before tomorrow."

"Afraid I might knock you up on our wedding night and leave you?" I snickered.

"Maybe. But I'm more concerned about where the magic's actually going to be happening."

"You're just going to have to wait and see."

"You know, Tegan- that phrase is getting really old." Sara told me, still laughing.

The next day...

Sara's P.O.V.

I closed my eyes, feeling my mother brushing my hair gently like she'd done when I was a child. I'd chosen to wear it naturally for the wedding. Simple, minimal, just like I liked my house and my life to be.

"I can't believe my little girl is getting married today." My mom said in a slightly shaky voice

"I can't believe I was coerced into wearing a dress." I muttered, looking down at the plain white dress I was wearing, yet smiling to myself. I knew I'd have walked down the isle naked if Tegan had asked me to.

"Don't be silly. You look beautiful. Did you change your mind about the makeup?"

"No... I still don't want any." I said, smiling and blinking back tears as I pictured Tegan in her suit waiting for me out there-waiting to give her love and life to me and receive mine in return. I again felt thankful I had chosen not to wear any makeup- I knew emotions would be running high that day. The last thing I needed was to have to worry about a sticky, smeary face on top of everything else.

"Is everything ok?" My mom asked, kneeling down and stroking my short hair comfortingly.

"N-no. Could I just... have a minute a-alone?" I choked out. I just needed a few moments to let my emotions out in private so I wouldn't break down in front of everyone, and I didn't want to freak out my mom.

"Of course, honey. I should probably be getting to my seat. Grandpa will be waiting at the end of the hall to walk you down the isle." She bustled out of the room after kissing my forehead lightly. My tears kept falling, and I let the happiness and sadness flow out of me all at once. I felt scared too... I was putting complete trust- my whole life in the hands of one other person for the rest of my life.

Suddenly, I heard a light tap on the door.

"I'll be out in a few minutes, mom." I said in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Sara- It's me." I heard Tegan's voice faintly from the other side of the door.

"Oh! Come in." I hurried to wad the tears off of my eyes, hoping they didn't look to red. She gently closed the door behind her as I rose from my seat in front of the vanity to greet her. It was the first time I'd seen her that day, and she looked amazing in her pinstripe vest, tie and dress pants. Despite her masculine choice of outfit, I noticed a small smudge of makeup around her eyes.

"Tegan... You look amazing-" I started as she embraced me tightly.

"You look beautiful too. I didn't think your mom would actually talk you into wearing that dress."

"Shouldn't you be waiting for me to walk down the isle? I'm on in like ten minutes." I said reproachfully, but smiled at her presence anyway.

"I was on my way. But I wanted to give these to you before I lose them." She said, and handed me two small rectangles of paper. As I read them, my jaw dropped.

"Miami! That's where the honeymoon is!" I almost jumped out of my skin in excitement.

"No. We're actually just stopping there on our way to Siberia."

"You read my mind. I can't wait." I said, laughing and placing a peck on her cheek. She actually blushed, something she rarely did. "Wait. The time on these says we're catching the flight an hour after the ceremony."

"Yup. We're leaving right after 'I do'."

"What about the reception? Isn't it sort of required that we be there?"

"What reception?" Tegan asked, heading for the door. "I'm running late for a very important date!" I heard her sing loudly as the door swung shut behind her.

-8 hours later-

Tegan's P.O.V.

I shuffled out of the terminal, following Sara walking exitedly in front of me. Through the clear windows of the airport, I could see the sun was well on its way to setting, though our bodies were still tuned for three hours earlier in the day. At least Sara's was- I still felt sticky from my in flight nap. I hurried up beside her to grab her hand as we followed the signs to the car rental desk.

Feeling lucky I'd decided to get my license a few months earlier, I grudgingly handed over the money to rent a small car for the week.

"I'm so exited! Where are we staying?" Sara said as we exited the parking garage.

"Hold your horses, it's only ten minutes from the airport." Or at least I hoped it was- I'd never been anywhere south of Michigan before. At least the traffic wasn't so bad. It was definitely off-season; too warm for snowbirds, too cold for Floridians. As we cruised through downtown, we saw most people bundled up in winter jackets, rushing to get inside their warm buildings. Sara and I laughed, looking down at each other's shorts and tank tops.

We finally arrived at the hotel, a large, imposing art deco building. Sara and I gaped around as we checked in. I'd only seen it in pictures, and it was much more lavish than I'd expected.

We took the elevator to one of the top floors and entered our room eagerly. It was bigger than the two bedrooms and living room in our apartment combined.

"Jesus Christ, Tegan." Sara breathed., looking around in amazement. "This must have cost us a fortune."

"Pretty much." I admitted. But I knew it was more than worth it. "Why don't you go take a shower first while I'll unpack?"

"Thanks, sweetie." Sara chirped and disappeared into the bathroom after a quick peck on the lips. As soon as the door shut behind her, I heard a loud screech. Dropping the suitcase I was holding and darting into the bathroom, I hoped it wasn't one of the mutant bugs I'd heard were down here.

"What? What's the matter!" I yelled, searching Sara's shocked face for the answer.

"Tegan! There's a fucking phone in here! In the _bathroom_!"

"Oh... I thought you saw a spider or something." I said, laughing hysterically.

"Oh please, Tee. We both know you're the one whose petrified of bugs." I stuck my tongue out at her.

"You need help in here, Sasa? I could wash your back..." I said suggestively, eyeing the giant cave-like shower with water spouts on three sides. Sara chuckled and pushed me out of the bathroom.

"Oh, but then who would unpack our bags?" She quipped behind me, closing the bathroom door and locking it.

As soon as I heard the water running, I dashed to the phone to confirm the reservations I had made to the fanciest restaurant in town I could afford. As the phone rang, I smiled to myself- tonight would definitely be a special one.

Sara's P.O.V.

"Why are you wearing a dress?" I asked in shock as I spotted Tegan brushing her hair in the mirror. The black dress stopped short just above her knees, gliding over her perfect curves gracefully. I'd never seen her in a dress before, but I certainly wasn't going to complain about it now.

"We're going out to eat. We have reservations."

"Oh... I mean- wow. You look... I've never seen you in a dress before, Tee." She rose up from the seat in front of the mirror, approaching me slowly.

"Do you... like it?" She purred in my ear, her hands lightly brushing my waist through the towel I was wearing. I gulped.

"Y-yes. You look gorgeous." I stammered, trying to keep my cool.

"Thank you." She said innocently, and backed away quickly to slip on her shoes.

"You're such a tease!" I complained as fished in the small closet Tegan had stocked for something to wear.

Later that night...

"Are you ok to drive?" I asked Tegan, suspecting she'd had a glass too many during dinner.

"Yeah.. yeah." she giggled slightly. I grabbed the keys from her and slipped in the driver's seat. Despite not having a license, I definitely knew how to drive a car. And besides- I'd rather get a ticket than get in an accident. Tegan slipped into the passenger seat, her hand wandering to my thigh as I started the car. I gasped in surprise, and turned to look at her as the air conditioning started blasting.

"Did you have a good time?" she asked, suddenly serious.

"Yes. The restaurant was amazing, the wedding was perfect, Tegan. This day is perfectly complete... at least it _almost_ is."

"Is there something else you need? Something you want me to give you?" Tegan breathed, leaning in closer. Shocks ran down my spine as I nodded slightly before our lips met. My hands looped around her neck as I struggled to get closer to her, our kisses becoming more hurried until I broke the contact, both of us breathing hard.

"No more funny business while I'm trying to drive, ok?" I said as I backed the car out of the parking lot, though I knew I enjoyed every minute of Tegan's lips on mine no matter when or where it was. And judging by the cocky smirk on her face, she knew it too...

I caught Tegan's wrist lightly as she was about to turn on the lights in the room.

"Keep them off." I hummed against her neck, leading her back to pin her down against the plush king sized bed. I let my lips ravish her neck, greedily nipping at her pulse point as my left hand moved up and down the side of her body. She whimpered softly through heavy breaths.

Suddenly, I felt her struggle beneath me, attempting to take control.

"Not yet. It's my turn." I snarled, and brought my hand to her thigh, slipping it higher up her dress. She moaned loudly, squirming under me. I slipped off my clothes impatiently- I knew should wait and savor the moment, but we had all week for that didn't we?

"Mmph, I hate dresses." I muttered, struggling to pull the dress up over Tegan's head. She sat up to help me and threw it on the floor, her hair mussed and face red. She removed her bra quickly, pulling me back on top of her, arching slightly in anticipation.

"Are you sure you're ready?" I asked, just as I was about to show my appreciation for her beautiful breasts. For some reason it almost felt like out first time together again.

"God, Sara- I've been dying for two months. Just fuck me already!" I didn't need to be told twice- I'd been dying just as much. I couldn't wait to tease her; I let my tongue capture her erect nipple, and my right hand slip into her underwear.

"Aah... Yess!" Tegan moaned as her hips bucked into my hand, which was roughly massaging her hard clit. I could feel her wetness soaking my palm, and groaning in frustration, I pulled her underwear down the rest of the way and she kicked them onto the floor. Her hips arched to meet my hand as her breathing came in ragged pants.

"Mphh... Sara! Oh, God- kiss me!" Tegan demanded as I slipped two fingers into her dripping wet core. My lips covered her open, moaning ones. Her hips started to rock faster and faster as our tongues sloppily danced in each other's mouths. I let my palm hit her clit hard as I thrust into her hard and fast, adding another finger.

Suddenly, Tegan's whole body erupted in tremors, her mouth opening wide as if to scream and her back arching into me. Her hair was wildly strung around her, and her face was beat red- she looked so beautiful, I could hardly stand it. As the last waves of her orgasm shook through her body, she grabbed my face with her hands and stared straight into my eyes intensely.

I collapsed on her chest, breathing hard, feeling her fingers running shakily through my hair as I clutched her tightly.

"That was amazing, Sara." Tegan said in a soft voice. "You're amazing." She brought me up for another kiss, gentle and drawn out.

"I want you to feel this too." Tegan said, hew voice low. I wanted to protest- I knew she was exhausted, but as she laid me down on the soft pillows, her touch felt too good to resist. Somehow knowing I'd been aching for her mouth on me since we walked in the door, Tegan wasted no time in moving down my bare body. I involuntarily arched into her mouth as her tongue circled around my clit. Just as I was getting settled, a familiar burning sensation building in my lower stomach, Tegan's tongue moved lower, slipping inside me. I felt hoarse cries escape my lips as she brought her fingers up to massage my swollen button gently.

Suddenly, sooner than I wanted, I came hard, ecstasy washing over every nerve in my body. My toes curled, one hand clutching at the sheets, the other gripping Tegan's poor head for dear life. Tegan removed her hand and mouth from me, eliciting a small whimper from my lips. I felt her slide up beside me and we immediately clung to each other, both on the brink of sleep.

"This is the best day of my life. I-I love you so much." Tegan said. I felt tears of joy slide down my face for the second time in 24 hours and kissed her forehead lightly.

"I love you, Tegan. Forever. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Sasa."


	12. The Con

**A/N: Hey, sorry I didn't go into more detail about the honeymoon. I just felt the need to move ahead with the story for some reason. I hope you enjoy the chapter anyways. :)**

All You Got- Chapter 10- The Con

Julie's P.O.V.

"Hello, you've reached Calgary Genetics Lab how may I help you?"

"Hi. I'm calling to ask about some test results..."

"Is there a problem? What's the order number?"

"The number is... umm.. 92346."

"Are you- Ms. T. Hamilton or Ms. S. Quin?"

"Neither. I'm Sara's aunt." I said, not bothering to mention that Tegan had taken Sara's last name, Quin.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't disclose any information to anyone besides the test participants."

"Just... tell me one thing, please. What is the margin of error? Is it possible that there was a... mistake?"

"All of our results are run through three times to insure accuracy. Honestly- it's extremely unlikely that any results we send out are inaccurate."

"But I-"

"Ma'am, unless you have explicit consent from Ms. Hamilton or Ms. Quin, I can't give you any more information."

"O-of course. Thank you." I hung up the phone and stared at the wall, the results still clutched in my hand. I shouldn't have offered to take out Sara and Tegan's trash, I shouldn't have picked up the envelope when it slipped out of the bag, and for Christ's sakes, why the hell did I open it?

I felt like a terrible person, a terrible aunt to both Sara and her wife. I knew I had no business reading into their personal lives, but I'd honestly thought the test had been for some genetic disease in case they decided to have children. I'd planned on giving it to them- I really had, but when I found it accidentally tucked away in my things upon arriving back to Calgary, I had no idea what I should do.

Why didn't I just mail it to them? Why did I have to open it to find the horrible truth... that Sara was unwittingly married to her own twin sister.

I knew I couldn't say anything. Not to Sonia, and definitely not to Sara or her wife. Some would say they had a right to know, but in my mind, their right to happiness was far more important.

Sara's P.O.V.

June

Tegan and I had been married for three months, a week, and three days and I never could've thought another human being could make me so happy and expect nothing in return. Not that she got nothing, of course. I cared about her happiness infinitely more than my own.

Despite our busy work schedules, we both continued to put on Friday concerts at the bookstore where I worked. To our surprise, more and more new people showed up every week along with the regulars- those who'd been there since the first accidental "concert". My boss Nancy, true to her word and stingy to the bone, had started charging a one dollar admission fee. A few times, she'd even had to turn away people at the door when the store got too crowded.

Instead of being tired from working extra hours and playing late into the night on Fridays, Tegan seemed to have more energy than ever- writing amazing new songs every day. I wasn't so quick- my inexperience with the guitar coupled with my perfectionist nature left me mulling over songs for weeks before I let Tegan hear any of them. Tegan loved everything I wrote, she'd take the time to learn every song by ear, and wrote all of the music down- somehow knowing where to place all the notes on the staff just from hearing the song. Once, I'd asked her where she learned to write music so well and she ended up telling me the story of her Grandmother, who taught her classical piano for years before she died when Tegan was fourteen.

The only thing that was more wonderful than the present was our dreams for our future. I didn't want to move a thing- everything was perfect. But I knew change had to come sooner or later.

Tegan's P.O.V.

Sara, Morgan, Sara's friend Ted and I were all watching a movie together at our apartment one saturday night. Sara and I had conspired together, hoping to match up our two friends- and so far it was working. Ted's arm had casually loped over Morgan's shoulder halfway through the movie. The drink's we'd all had earlier probably didn't hurt either... I tried to motion to Sara; to show her the obvious connection between our friends, but it was no use. She was out cold, clinging to me tightly. _Pathetic_ I thought- It was only 11:30. But Sara was so adorable when she slept that I couldn't resist winding my fingers through her hair lightly as I smiled down at her sleeping form.

"Aww!" Morgan and Ted cried in adoration from the other side of the couch. My face caught aflame in embarrassment.

"Shhh!" I hissed. "You'll wake her up!"

"You two are the cutest married couple I know." Exclaimed Morgan, ignoring me completely. Sara shifted slightly in her sleep, nestling her face into the crook of my neck like a tired child. I knew she'd only show this level of vulnerability while she was unconscious.

"We're the only married couple you know." I said to Morgan, laughing lightly.

"Not the point, and you know it." She replied, sticking her tongue out at me. Our attention turned back to the movie just in time to see the credits rolling.

"You guys want me to rewind it?" I asked, looking around for the remote.

"No thanks. I think I'll head home." Ted said, yawning and removing his arm inconspicuously from Morgan's shoulder. I stifled a giggle.

"Me too. I had a really long day." Morgan said, getting up from the couch with Ted. She was a waitress and had to work Saturdays as well as taking part time college classes.

"Alright, guys. Thanks for coming over. I'd see you off, but-" I punctuated my sentence by gesturing to Sara's sleeping form, still clinging to me.

they both exited the apartment after making me promise to give their goodbyes to Sara when she woke up. As I found the remote under the couch cushion and turned off the movie, I figured I might as well turn in. As far as I could tell, Sara was out like a light. I slowly lifted her light form in my arms and brought her to our bedroom, laying her down on the bed as gently as possible. I undressed after removing her shoes and tucking the blankets over her.

"Are they gone?" Sara's voice was low as I slipped under the sheets beside her.

"Yeah, they left. I thought you were asleep."

"Not exactly." She said, pulling off her pants and discarding them on the floor beside our bed. "Where are you?" she asked, searching in the dark. In response, I grabbed her reaching hand and placed it just above my heart. Her breathing audibly quickened as she moved it slightly lower to see I wasn't wearing any pajamas.

"Come here." I whispered, and Sara obliged, moving quickly to straddle me. She paused to tear off her shirt and bra before bringing her lips down to envelop mine in a harsh, heated kiss. I let my hands wander down her bare back and down to her ass, roughly pulling her into me. Just as a guttural moan forced its way from Sara's lips, a loud sound made us both jump in surprise.

"Unf... not now." Sara growled and attacked my neck with soft lips. The phone continued to ring on our bedside table.

"Sara... wait. It might be about Grandpa." I said between pants. I was referring to Sara's grandfather who's been ill in the past few weeks. Sara nodded and slid off of me, pulling the chain on the lamp and reaching for he phone with trembling hands.

"Hello?...this is Sara, who is this?...Yes, Tegan's my wife...Tomorrow?...I-I don't know- let me ask her." Sara covered the receiver with her hand, turning to me exitedly.

"One of the regulars put an audio file of one of our songs online and someone from the newspaper wants to interview us tomorrow!" My heart swelled with excitement at her words.

"Are you sure?" I asked. Sara nodded vigorously in response. "Yes! Tell them yes!" Sara removed her hand from the mouthpiece and brought it back up to her face.

"Yes, we'll do the interview... what time?...photos?- yes, that's fine... A-are you coming here?...sure... yes thank you... goodbye." Sara hung up the phone and shot me a look of astonishment.

"They're coming tomorrow at two. And a photographer. Do you think we should dress up? Will they ask us to play any songs? What would they want to ask us. Oh, god I have to clean the house- and you're helping me this time!" Sara was in a frenzy, moving to get out of bed as she ranted. I spryly grabbed her wrist and pulled her back on the bed, climbing on top of her, placing soothing kisses along her jaw.

"Calm down, Sasa. We've got plenty of time to worry about everything. Now... where were we?"


	13. Give Chase

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to finish this chapter- I was just ungrounded and the first thing I did was type this! I hope you love it :) **

All You Got Chapter 11- Give Chase

Tegan's P.O.V.

"For the hundredth time, Sara the house looks fine." I grumbled from the couch, watching Sara pace around our small living room.

"I just want everything to be perfect." she said. In my mind, I couldn't help but compare her to an animal in a cage, restless and nervous. "They'll be here any minute now. How do I look? Do you think I'll have time to change?"

"You look fantastic- as usual." I said, smiling and taking in her striped shirt and red shoes. Everything was crisp and immaculate as usual. I looked down apologetically at my plain band t-shirt and purple pants.

The doorbell rang, making Sara jump and me spring from the couch in surprise.

"You answer the door- I'll get the coffee!" Sara cried and dashed into the kitchen with remarkable speed. I quickly unlatched and opened the front door and was met, to my surprise, with three people instead of two.

"I'm Vanessa Anclote, reporter for Montreal times. You must be Sara Quin... or Tegan?" Said a lady in a red t-shirt. Seeing her casual wear, I felt relieved we hadn't dressed up.

"Tegan Quin." I said, shaking Vanessa's hand and looking up to greet the other two people.

"Oh- This is Lindsey Byrnes, the Montreal Times photographer." she gestured at a short, interesting looking woman with an expensive looking camera hanging from her neck. I shook her hand as well.

"Nice to meet you." she said in a small voice. I suppressed a flutter in my stomach- what was wrong with me?

"And this is Sam Marquette, record producer from Superclose who works with the paper sometimes. I thought you and Sara might like to meet him." A tall, imposing man nodded at me. I almost fainted- Superclose? _Superclose_ Records? Sara would freak out when she found out.

"It's great to meet you all. Please come in." I said, following Sara's script to the tee and stepping aside to let them all into the apartment. I played with my labret piercing between my teeth as I hoped we could still be our funny and relaxed selves while we were so anxious.

"What a beautiful home." beamed Vanessa, looking around at the unusually spotless apartment.

"Thank you." I said, leading them into the living room.

"You must be Sara." Vanessa trilled, shaking Sara's hand vigorously. She motioned for everyone to sit down after introductions had been made.

"Pleas- have some coffee." Sara said primly, motioning to the mugs and coffee thermos on the table.

"Thanks, but we can't stay long. We've got an interview with The Killers later today. Did you know they're in town?" Sara and I both stifled gasps. Of course we knew they were in town... we'd been trying to get tickets for weeks before they suddenly sold out. Vanessa reached into her bag, extracting a tape recorder and a small microphone.

_Woah... retro _

I thought as she started the tape rolling. Everyone in the room seemed to settle into their roles quickly. Vanessa sat on the other side of the couch from Sara and I, Sam sat in the large armchair by the T.V., and Lindsey shifted around the room, the shutter of her camera clicking open and closed every few minutes when she got a good angle.

"Vanessa Anclote interviewing Tegan and Sara Quin. So... what's it like playing music with your sister?" Sara and I stared fish-mouthed at Vanessa in shock. Lindsey's camera still went _click click click_ as if she didn't notice anything amiss.

"We're not sisters. We're, umm... actually married." I said, speaking up first because Sara seemed to have lost her voice. I motioned to our matching wedding bands. Lindsey gave a loud cough and would've dropped her camera if it weren't strapped to her neck. Sam had grabbed a music magazine from the small table by his chair and was ignoring the entire room.

"Oh- wow! I'm so sorry! You two look so alike, and with the same last name and all. Well, anyways let's move on we're wasting time. How long have you two been playing music together?" Sara answered her in a shaky voice, telling a condensed version of how we had met and discovered each other's musical interests. Eventually the tension in the room faded as Sara and I both relaxed, answering questions and bantering with each other and Vanessa. We were both still anxious, but we hid it the best we could with jokes and carefully thought out answers. By the end of the interview, Lindsey had snapped countless pictures and Sam was listening intently to everything that was said.

Just as all three guests were about to leave, running late for their appointment with the Killers, Sam the record producer stopped Sara and I before we closed the door.

"Would you mind playing a song for me?" He said in a deep, rumbling voice.

"Y-yeah... I mean, if it's alright with Tegan." Sara blurted out. I swallowed a lump in my throat.

"Of course we could." We led him back inside, retrieving our guitars from the spare room and settling onto two stools in the kitchen. Sam was hard to read as we played the song. He just sat at the kitchen table, tapping his fingers on the wood as we played one of our strongest songs- surprisingly one that I wrote.

There was a thick and awkward silence as the last bit of our song stopped echoing around us.

"Wow. That was great. You say you've only been playing for two years?" Sara nodded humbly. I could tell she still didn't see how talented she was.

"I don't usually do this, but the Killers are looking for an opening act for the Canadian leg of their tour. Would you two be interested in coming out before their show tomorrow night and meeting with the band and a couple of people from Superclose?" Sara and I almost shit bricks, our mouths both forming mumbles that hopefully resembled "yes" in some intelligible language.

"Good. I'll leave my card here. I'll be in touch later today about the time and location." Sam placed his card on the table and left the apartment without another word, leaving Sara and I shocked and maybe a little scared, still clutching our guitars.

Julie's P.O.V.

"I know something's up with you, Julie." My younger sister's voice was reproachful and knowing as she stared me down across her kitchen table.

"W-what do you mean?" I stammered, looking up from the steaming drink Sonia had prepared for me. I could barely taste it as I sipped deeply, trying to avert her gaze.

"Come on, sis. You've been over three times this week after work and you never come over on Sunday- it's your family day."

"Well... since the kids moved out-" I started my excuse referring to my two grown children, Sara's cousins.

"Don't give me that. We both know you were practically overjoyed when they left for college. Plus you asked for coffee and I gave you hot chocolate and you didn't even notice."

"There is something..."

"What?"

"I can't tell you. It would ruin everything." I buried my face in my hands, the weight of the secret almost too much to bear.

"Ruin everything? What are you talking about?"

"It's about Sara. And Tegan."

"Are they ok? Oh, God. Tell me they're not getting a divorce already."

"No! Just the opposite. They're fine- I just want to keep it that way."

"Whatever it is you can tell me. I can tell it's picking at you." She laid a hand on mine and I wiped me tears away, telling her the whole story. When it was done she sat back in her chair, sighing deeply.

"I knew it. I tried to tell myself it was just a coincidence, but I knew Tegan was more than just Sara's lover, more than just her best friend. They still have no idea, right?"

"Right." I said immediately.

"If they knew it would ruin their marriage... maybe their lives. You do realize we can never speak a word to them about either of this?"

"Never."


	14. Floorplan

All You Got

Chapter 12

Floorplan

S ara's P.O.V.

"Does this mean you're quitting?" Nancy gaped as I leaned back on the counter. Tegan gave a light cough behind me, stashing our guitars in their cases. When Nancy heard what happened with the record producer, she demanded we come and play the song for her. One of the regular audience members of our concerts in the bookstore was helping her, looking on in admiration.

"Well... the tour is two months long. And if they decide to let us go with them for their U.S. tour, then it could be much, much longer."

"I wish you and Tegan luck, but I can guarantee a spot for you when you get back. You said you're playing tonight?"

"Yeah. Actually we're running a bit late for sound check." I glance over at Tegan. I can see she's taking her time, giving Nancy and I a chance to say goodbye. Even though she's my boss, we've become pretty good friends during the two years I've worked at the store.

"I just have one more thing to say."

"What is it?"

"I demand free backstage passes whenever you and Tegan get famous and come into town!" I laugh and hug her tightly. I can see a fidgeting Tegan and the door out of the corner of my eye, so I say one last goodbye and exit the store, hopefully not for the last time. We both slide into the warm idling taxi clutching our guitar cases.

In just a few hours, we'd be onstage in front of hundreds, maybe _thousands_ of people. My shaking hangs grabbed Tegan's beside me. I knew then there was no way I could get through this nerve-racking experience without her by my side to keep me grounded and sane. But, then, I never considered that I'd ever have to.

Tegan's P.O.V.

"I still can't believe they gave us our own dressing room!" Sara exclaimed as she slowly paced the small room. I smiled faintly and studied her anxious movements from the frayed loveseat in our private dressing room in the back of the venue. Déjà vu washed over me as I recalled myself in that exact position just earlier in the day. The dull thumping of music shook the walls slightly, as our room was the closest to the stage. The other opening band was nearing their last song, hopefully whipping the audience into a frenzy that couldn't be undone if we bombed our first show. My hands started to shake slightly as I wonder what would happen if we messed up all of our songs or froze up onstage. When the band heard us play earlier, they urged Sam to draw up a contract for the Canadian tour. But could they back out of it and change their minds? Could we?

"Me neither" I managed, belatedly answering Sara's statement. I caught myself biting my lip and almost smiled- I'd picked up the bad habit from Sara.

"Just think, Tegan… this could be the best opportunity we could hope for. And it fell right in our lap! Isn't it exciting?"

"Actually, it's kind of scary." And I didn't mean that I was scared of not succeeding. I was frightened to death that just plunging into such a stressful, competitive career could strain our relationship. If I learned one thing in the time Sara and I had been together, it was that honesty made everything easier in the long run. I made a split decision. "Sara, I have something to tell you."

"Y-yes?" Sara asked, stopping mid-pace to face me across the room.

"I know I really should've told you this before, so sorry in advance. Well, before the wedding, I started looking for your sister. I wanted surprise you by inviting her to see us get married. I got as far as hunting down the adoption agency, but I just couldn't do it. I got a really bad feeling- like I shouldn't try to find her." Sara moved to sit beside me, and I welcomed her presence, laying my head down on her warm shoulder.

"Are you angry with me?" I asked in a small voice, a lump forming in my throat. I felt terrible for keeping this from her.

"No, no. Of course I'm not. I probably would've done the same thing in that situation." I felt her small hand playing with my hair lightly. "Does my mom know you've been looking for my sister?"

"Yeah. She's the one who helped me get in touch with the agency. You know, we could still do it if you want. I haven't thrown out the number. Just… if finding your twin would make you happy, then I'll help however I can."

"I don't know now. I thought at first that finding her would make me whole- I mean what is a twin without her other half, right? It was like a piece of my identity was missing. But then I realized that you're all I need to make feel happy and whole."

"Aww… Sara you're such a sap." I said, grinning wide so only my gums were visible. I raised my head to face her so our lips were almost touching. Sara's hand gently swept a stray hair behind my ear as she inched in closer.

"Tegan and Sara Quin, you're on!" A loud shout and sharp rap at the door made us both jump away from each other in surprise.

"Don't be nervous. We'll be great." I felt Sara's lips on my check, and her hand grasping mine, leading me out into the hallway. We followed the stage manager to the wings, and waved feebly to the band before us as they filtered backstage. Grabbing our suddenly shabby-looking guitars from a rack holding much more expensive instruments, we were pushed out onto the dusty stage before either of us could even think to hesitate. Gripping my guitar's neck, I scrambled up onto one of the stools behind microphone stands, seeing Sara mirror me out of the corner of my eye. Luckily, the stage lights trained on us were too bright for us to see the crowd clearly. I pretended the room was empty. I cleared my throat and leaned up to speak into the microphone.

"Hi, everyone. We're Tegan and Sara."

Sonia's P.O.V.

"Hello?" Sara rasped, her voice sounding thick and scratchy.

"Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Did I wake you up? I forgot about the time difference."

"No, mom. We just got in, actually. The show was awesome!" Sara's was bursting with excitement though I could tell she was tired.

"I'm glad it turned out so great. I just wish I could've been there."

"Me too. Oh, and Tegan sends her love." I gave an inward flinch. If only Tegan could give me the love of a daughter, instead of as my daughter's wife. Maybe it's wishful thinking that she could be both, and accept it one day. Hell, I don't know if I'd ever be able to accept it.

"T-tell her the same. I'll let you get to bed. I just… wanted to see how the concert went."

"Wait, I have something to tell you."

"What? Is everything ok?" I said, panicking. Had Julie said something?

"Yes, everything's fine. Tegan told me she was looking for my sister."

"Oh, yes! I forgot about that! Well… S-she's not still looking is she?" I asked, trying to keep the alarm out of my voice.

"No. I told her I wasn't sure."

"Trust me, Sara. It's not a good idea."

"But I thought you were helping Tegan." I sputtered, trying to think fast.

"I-I was. But then I… well, I just got a really terrible feeling about it. Just trust me, Sara. Don't go looking for your sister. It's a bad idea."

Sara's P.O.V.

I hurried to get off the phone with my mom, and set it down in the receiver. Tegan had passed out from exhaustion on the couch, and even though she was right there, I felt alone. Why was everyone trying to keep the truth from me? A tear fell down my face, and I felt an insatiable curiosity rise up inside me. It just wasn't in my nature to intentionally leave a truth unrevealed, especially when everyone around me was persuading me to.

Still undecided, but needing a plan, I got up from the kitchen table and searched through Tegan's nearly sock drawer (we'd packed most of our clothes for the upcoming trip the following day) until I found a small scrap of paper.

_Castlestone, Calgary Adoption Agency_

_360-2684_

Tegan didn't write down the area code, but I knew I wouldn't need it. Castlestone was only a mile away from the town where I grew up, and I was still in touch with a couple of high school friends from that area. With the number clutched in my hand, I collapsed on the bed and fell asleep after grudgingly setting the alarm for 8:00 AM.


	15. This is Everything

A/N: I apologize in advance for the drama in this chapter

All You Got- Chapter 13-This is Everything

End of Summer

Tegan's P.O.V.

We were nearing the end of our U.S. Tour with the Killers. Everyone was a bit sad it was over, as we'd become great friends with the band over the spring and summer months we'd been on the road with them. Sara and I were retiring early to the tour bus when Sam caught up with us just as we were about to leave the venue.

"Sam! What are you doing here?" I cried, running to hug him warmly. We hadn't seen him in months- since we left Vancouver. And after all, it was him who had given us the chance to tour with the world-famous band.

"I actually live here in Portland." He said, hugging Sara as well. "I thought I'd stop by to see your last show."

"We're so glad you're here!" I said. Being cooped up in a tour bus with the same people for months would make anyone happy to see an old friend.

"Actually, I had something I'd like to talk to you two about." Sam said, suddenly serious. "Do you think we could find an open restaurant? I bet you both are starving." We were starving… and curious.

Sara and I found ourselves in a small, vinyl booth sitting across from Sam. Sara sipped her coffee serenely, and I nursed a coke, both of us sated from a hearty meal of cheeseburgers and fries.

"You never told us what you wanted to talk to us about." Sara said, replenishing her mug with the coffee pot on the table. I winced as I watched her bring the scalding bitter black stuff to her lips, still amazed she could drink it black.

"Well, you've both been extremely successful on this tour. But as I'm sure you've realized, the Killers need a break to rest and work on their new album. This business is very competitive- loss of momentum could end your careers right here."

"Who said we wanted to continue?" I said suddenly, drawing sharp looks from Sara and Sam. Personally, I was tired-exhausted even. I wanted to go back to our apartment in Vancouver and sleep in my familiar bed with Sara beside me. I wanted to go through the day without worrying if we'd be booed offstage for messing up, and I wanted to settle back into the daily routines I missed so much. And most of all, I just wanted to kiss my wife without worrying that someone would barge into the room, or stumble into the wrong bunk in a drunken stupor (Yes, this had happened before and we'd both been traumatized).

"Tegan, what are you saying? You can't tell me we haven't had the time of our lives on this tour." Not that there hadn't been good times, but I was so emotionally worn out, my pessimism was starting to show.

"I'm just tired Sara. I'm not sure if this is best… for us."

"How could doing what we love not be for the best?"

"It might be in the future. Don't you want to take some time off first?"

"I'm afraid that's impossible." said Sam solemnly, interrupting our conversation. "It's now or never. I wrote up this contract for you two to look at." He laid a paper on the greasy tabletop. I eyed it warily as Sara scooped it up and looked it over.

"If you sign it, you'd be provided the means to record an album in Vancouver, then support it on tour for a year. Then you're free unless you decide to renew it or you're offered a more extensive contract by Superclose."

"It looks airtight." said Sara. "Not a speck of fine print."

"We pride ourselves in doing what's best for the artists. We provide the freedom of an indie label with the exposure of a major label." Sara and Sam started discussing monetary details, but I couldn't focus. My head started spinning as I tried to decide what I wanted. I knew I wanted Sara to be happy, but was jumping into this career a reasonable risk to take?

"Get me a pen." I said, interrupting Sara and Sam's discussion.

"Y-you want to do it Tegan? Really, are you sure?" I saw hope in Sara's eyes, and that solidified my decision even more.

"Of course I'm sure."

"Don't you want to read it first?"

"I trust you." I said and reached for the pen Sam was handing me and signed my name. I think I thought then that there was no turning back, and really, despite what happened next, there wasn't.

Sara's P.O.V.

"Hello, you've reached Castlestone adoption agency, how may I help you?"

"Hi. This is Sara Quin. I'm calling about my twin sister. My mother put her up for adoption in 1980…"

"Her name?"

"Sonia Quin."

"Alright, let me find the file… Hmm. It seems we only have contact numbers for her adoptive parents, is that alright?"

"Yes, that's fine." The man gave me a phone number with a Toronto area code and I thanked him and clicked the phone back in its receiver. I looked over my shoulder to see Tegan cramming fries into her mouth as she leaned against the tour bus. The roadies had all taken bathroom breaks in the rest stop, and I had rushed to the pay phone on the side of the building under the guise of calling my mom and my friend Ted. I scrawled the number on my palm with a pen in my pocket, and then deliberately dialed each number, glancing up every few seconds to make sure Tegan hadn't moved.

"Hello?"

"Hi, I-"

"Tegan? Oh my God, is that you?"

"No, this is Sara. I think I might be Tegan's sister. Are you her father?"

"No I'm her brother, Jason. I knew she was adopted, but I had no idea she had a sister."

"Do you have a phone number for her?"

"No. I haven't seen her in 10 years."

"Maybe your parents know…?"

"No. They both died in a plane crash when I was 19."

"I'm so sorry." I said sincerely.

"It's alright. They deserved it." said Jason, a clear trace of hatred in his voice. I wonder what his parent's could've done to him to deserve such pure resentment.

"Well… I guess through some odd circumstance, you're sort of my brother-"

"You said your name is Sara Quin?"

"Yeah."

"I've heard of you. Didn't you just release an album?"

"Yeah with my wife. We're on tour now. Actually, tomorrow we're playing a small venue in Toronto. Maybe you could come to the show and meet us? I think we sold out, but I can get you a backstage pass and a ticket."

"That would be great! I'd love to meet you and your wife. I just wish Tegan could know her sister is looking for her."

"Me too. I just hope I can get to know her a little by meeting you. "

"You will. I may not have talked to her in 10 years, but I remember what a great sister she was to me. In fact, I haven't been able to forget."

The next night…

I waited anxiously for my brother after the show. Tegan had turned in immediately after the show, leaving me in the backstage area to await the only link to my sister I had.

"Sara Quin. There's someone here to see you. He says his name is Jason." said a member of the stage crew, sticking her head in the door.

"Send him in, please." I said, my voice high and taut with anxiety. The door opened wider and a tall, gangly 20-something strode in the room and closed the door behind him. I got up, nervously extending my hand. Instead, he wrapped his arms tightly around me.

"I'm sorry…you look just like her." said Jason. I sat down and patted the seat next to me.

"Please. Tell me about Tegan."

"Well… she was a kind person. She loved music. She was attentive and devoted- at least to me. She would walk me to school every morning until I was ten when she left the house when our parents discovered she was gay."

"Oh, god. And you don't know what happened to her?"

"No. For all I know she could be dead somewhere. Or worse…" Jason's voice started to crack, and I could see tears forming in the corner of his eyes.

"I'm sorry for making you bring up all of these old wounds."

"Don't be, Sara. You need to know."

Tegan's P.O.V.

I stop strumming my guitar, my eyes going wide. The song I'd unintentionally written described my exact feelings better than any words could. I grab my guitar and shoot out of the bus, across the parking lot, and in through the back of the venue, dodging a few fans waiting at the back door. I quickly locate our dressing room where Sara is no doubt sulking with her guitar. I had to show her the song- I knew it would explain everything!

"Sara, Sara! I wrote this-" I yell, bursting into the room.

"Tegan?" a vaguely familiar voice asks.

"Jason?" I scream, dropping my guitar by its neck. Suddenly, his arms are around me and I feel tears flow from my eyes, and my body shaking with sobs of relief.

"What are you doing here?" He cries in alarm, pulling away slightly to kiss my cheek.

"I'm on tour with my wife. What are _you_ doing here?" I said, looking around his shoulder to see a shocked and confused Sara sitting on the threadbare couch.

"Your sister invited me... wait, what? Your wife?"

"Sara- my wife. She's sitting on the couch behind you. Duh!" I unlatch myself from Jason's arms to bring Sara up into an embrace.

"Thank you for finding my brother and surprising me, baby!" Sara seems frozen, not moving at all as I kiss her cheek and turn back to Jason, who has a look of horror plastered on his face.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my head flashing back and forth between Jason and Sara.

"You already met Sara?" asked Jason.

"Of course. She's my wife."

"No she's not. She's your sister."

"What? Jesus, I know we look alike, but-"

"Tegan, sit down. I think he may be right."


	16. Arrow: Part One

All You Got

Chapter 14-Arrow Part One

Tegan's P.O.V.

"Now, as I understand, both parties didn't know about the... uhh-"

"No, no. Of course not." Sonia's voice was strong and sure, one of her arms on my shoulder and one resting on Sara's. We both sat as far away from each other as possible, unable to accept the ramifications of what we had unwittingly done.

"I don't know if you're aware of this, but under Canadian law, practicers of... incest can serve up to 14 years in jail. Each." Sonia gasped, withdrawing her hand from my shoulder to cover her mouth. Sara let out a strangled sob, violently tearing a tissue from the box beside her to cover her tear-stained eyes.

"Well... given the circumstances, I don't think it will be necessary to notify the police. You did the right thing by calling me, Sonia. We can handle this quickly and quietly." The lawyer Sara's mom... _my_ mom had hired looked at us sympathetically from across the table. We'd flown in from Toronto the day after we discovered the truth, taking seats on the opposite side of the plane. Unfortunately, Sara and I'd had to share a long and frigid ride to her... _our_ mother's house. Neither of us had said a word, and Sara still refused to look at me. I couldn't even bear to sleep under the same roof as her, and I couldn't afford a hotel. So I decided to stay at aunt Julie's house on her pull out sofa to her persistent pleas. It was almost as if she felt guilty and was trying to make up for it by treating my like her niece (as if she hadn't done the same when she had no idea we were even related).

"Just tell us what we need to do so we can get on with our lives." Sara croaked through her tears.

"O-of course. Yes. Well, you'll need to sign this annulment agreement."

"And then what?" I asked. Sara didn't even turn her head when I spoke, as if refusing to even acknowledge my existence. The Lawyer placed a single sheet of paper directly in between Sara and I, along with two, heavy-looking pens.

"That's it. Even if you don't sign it, the marriage is still legally void. This is just a formality. Signing this will also absolve both of you from any legal consequences."

"Alright. Let's do this." With one hand still covering her mouth with a tissue, Sara extends another to hastily sign the line. I sign the identical line next to it.

"Well... I'll just take this and send it to the courts to be validated." She slipped the paper gently off of the table and into her leather breifcase. She gives a curt nod and tight smile to Sonia, and leaves the house graciously.

The moment the front door clicks gently closed, Sara starts sobbing again, harder than ever. Our mother wraps her in her own arms, stroking her soft hair as Sara's body shakes uncontrollably. I can't stand to see her like this. I can't stand seeing Sonia give Sara the motherly comfort that I never got from my own adoptive mother. And I couldn't stand the fact that I was still deeply in love with Sara, and if I could go back in time, I would marry her all over again, and savor every single moment with her for the second time.

I get up from the table and start for the kitchen door. I need to get out before I break down.

"Wait, Tegan. Are you going back to Julie's? Let me drive you." Sonia's voice stops me in my tracks with my hand on the door.

"It's only a few blocks. I know the way."

"But-"

"Sara needs you right now. Sonia... mom; goodbye" I say bitterly. As if to confirm my first statement, Sara's cries intensify, and before Sonia can say anything, I've fled from the house. Practically running the three blocks to Julie's house, I wrap my thin jacket around me in a weak defense against the chilly autumn air.

I slide the spare key from beneath the mat, and stick it in the door, surprised to find that it's already unlocked. Julie must've forgotten to lock it behind her on her way to work. I walk into the empty house, making sure to lock the door behind me. Collapsing on the couch where I'd be sleeping that night, a thousand thoughts race through my throbbing head. I'd probably be sleeping here every night until I found a place to stay. There's no way I'm going to fight Sara for the apartment like a bitter victim of divorce. Though my name is still on the lease, there's no way I can continue to keep up my half of the rent with no job. we'd had to cancel two shows to fly home to Calgary, and I know I'm not going back on the road.

"Shh, shh. Tegan, it's alright. I'm here." Julie's hand rests on my shoulder, and, surprised, I flinch away from her touch.

"I-I thought you were at work." I stammer, my voice thick and barely intelligible. I feel wetness on my face and realize I'd been crying.

"I took the day off to be here with you." I look up in astonishment- why is this woman I haven't even known for a year treating me like her own daughter? "Do you... need a hug?" Julie asks kindly, extending her arms wide with pity in her eyes. Before I can even think about restraint, I'm tightly wrapped around my aunt's arms, shaking and sobbing like a little child. For the first time since I learned that crying too much would earn me a slap on the face, I let my pent up sadness completely out. It pours out of my mouth in the form of heaving sobs and quivering wails that would've deeply embarrassed me if I wasn't so consumed with this misery. Julie calmly rubs my back and let me cry without saying a word.

When I calm down, Julie gets up and goes into her small kitchen to conjure up some soup and sandwiches. The mild food is definitely appropriate, because I feel physically sick all over my aching body. I feel small, lost, and alone except for Julie, mothering me like a sickly kid.

We sit at the table and sip our soup and crunch our sandwiches in silence. I feel dried up, like I couldn't cry if I wanted too. But I know that I'm fragile- any reminder of Sara could set me off again into heaving sobs. So I keep my eyes on my dwindling soup, spooning mouthful after watery mouthful into my tight, swollen mouth.

"I have something to tell you." I look up at my aunt's face, contorted with emotion. I don't answer, just look at her expectantly, so she starts talking. "I knew that Sara and you were twins, and so did Sonia. We... acquired the lab results you threw away. Please don't get any more upset. We only wanted you two to stay happy and blissfully unaware. Looking back now, I should've known it was only a matter of time before the truth came out"

"I'm not mad. I just wish we'd never found out. In a way, I wish Sara and I'd never met in the first place."

"It seems like that now, Tegan. Your sister-"

"Don't call her that!" I yell, surprising both myself and Julie across the table.

"Well, that's what she is. You're going to have to accept it eventually."

"I can't!"

"Why not? You don't have a choice!"

"I can't accept it because I'm still fucking in love with her!" I scream, leaping from the table. The wooden chair clatters on the ground behind me. I immediately feel remorseful for shouting at my aunt, the person who's treated me so kindly throughout this whole nightmare.

"Well of course you're still in love with her! Love like that doesn't just go away!"

"Sara didn't seem to have any problem just chucking it in the trash." Tears were streaming down my face again. Angry tears, desperate tears.

"You think she doesn't still love you!" Julie said passionately. "Give her time, Tegan. Give yourself time."


	17. Arrow: Part Two

**A/N: Just so you know, T+S are now caught up to their current age (30). So for those who haven't been paying attention, this means they were 20 when they met, 22 when they got married, and 25 when they separated. I hope this is all accurate and clears everything up! **

All You Got

Arrow-Part Two

Sara's P.O.V.

5 Years later

I have barely seen Tegan in the past five years. After we got our marriage annulled, she took off. Luckily, I knew she wasn't dead because our brother Jason called to tell me she'd arrived the next day on a greyhound bus to stay with him in their parent's old house. I wanted her to have the apartment we shared, but she was gone and out of my life before I could say anything to her.

At first, the pain felt like a thousand arrows piercing every part of my weak body. But then, after a few arduous months of throwing myself into my music career, exerting myself at every show, I started to feel the pain a little less. Eventually, I could play most of Tegan's songs onstage without breaking down. With every album I released under my revised contract with Superclose, my fanbase grew a little larger. And though my paycheck grew proportionately, I could never bring myself to leave the small apartment in Vancouver. I guess, a small, pathetic part of me still hopes Tegan will come back to stay. But I never mention this to my fiancé, Emy. We've been together for 4 years, and engaged for one. I keep putting off the wedding, to everyone's dismay, especially Emy's. I always use the excuse that work is too demanding, that I want to wait until the stress of my career had winds down a bit to settle down… again.

It's the morning of the 5 year anniversary of Tegan's and my separation. Though I've never told her everything about the situation, Emy generally understands that I need to be left alone on this day. Mostly, I just stay at home in the dark, drinking and waiting, hoping to forget. This year is no different. I start the day late, waking to an empty bed, and cracking open a beer though it was only nine in the morning. Right on schedule. I crumple up Emy's goodbye note saying she'd gone into her art studio for the day and reminding me to eat the leftovers in the fridge. She tells me to bolt the door when I get up, as if that could save me.

By 11, I'm well on my way to oblivion, the court shows on daytime T.V. blare in the apartment, my slurring laughter catching in my own ears. There's a loud knock on the door… right on schedule. I clink my half-full beer bottle on the coffee table with the others. Stumbling slightly, I open the door I never bothered bolting shut.

"Sara…hi-"

"What the fuck are _you_ doing here?" I slur at Tegan, barely even shocked to see her anymore through my drunken stupor. I'm pretty sure a part of me believes (or hopes) that she's a hallucination- a product of my sick mind.

"Jesus Christ, Sara. You're drunk already?" Tegan says, disgust and pity dripping from her voice and eyes. She pushes past me and I shut the door hard, locking it securely this time. I need to hear if a key is turning in it. I follow Tegan into the living room, where she's cleaning up my discarded bottles along with my shot glass and bottle of vodka. I sit on the couch and turn off the T.V., refusing to say anything.

She's sitting next to me on the couch- close enough so our thighs touch through her jeans and my sweatpants. I swallow the water and aspiring she hands me (is if aspirin could dull the pain), and the fog in my head starts to clear a bit.

"You need to stop coming here, Tegan."

"You need to stop self-destructing."

"I-I'm sorry, Tee." I whimper, and give in, throwing my arms around her neck, and deeply breathing in her familiar, comforting smell. This is how it's been on this day for the past 3 years, this being the fourth time. And it's not like I've ever really protested it. I always make arrangements so I'm home to open the door and let her in, if only to have her walk out again an hour before Emy is due home, not to appear for another year.

"Besides. I can't stay away. You know I can't live without you." She tries to kiss me, but I move my head to she plants one on my cheek instead.

"Tegan, no. It's just… this is _wrong_. I can't do this anymore."

"Baby, don't think about it; just for today. Please." Tegan gently slips of my clothes, one piece at a time, kissing each piece of skin as if she was discovering it for the first time. I kept my mouth closed and my head turned to the side as she lays me down flat on the couch, devouring my body with her eyes and soft hands. I don't… I can't respond to Tegan's caresses, save for the tears streaming down my otherwise emotionless face. Tegan tries to bring her face to mine, but I can't bear to open my eyes and see our similarity mocking me. I let out a lone, pent-up moan as her hand finally comes to rest over my growing heat. In seconds, her face is buried in my neck, her tears falling freely, and two fingers are working inside of me roughly. Our raspy moans and desperate pants fill the room and echo off of the freshly painted walls.

We're lost in the moment. We don't hear the front door open. We don't hear Emy calling out, asking me if I'm home (no doubt wondering why she can't hear Judge Judy blaring). But we do hear her piercing scream of horror. Tegan withdraws her hands from me and spins around to face Emy, still straddling me.

"Oh my God! What the **FUCK**?" Emy's yell is shrill with anger and sadness. I try to cover myself franticly, and Tegan automatically throws the afghan draped over the couch at me. Emy just continues to stare in terror and shock as Tegan gets up and dresses herself as quickly as possible with her clothes littering the floor. She tries to leave, but Emy steps in front of her.

"Before you go, care to tell me who the fuck you are and why you're in my house with my naked fiancé?"

"I'm…Tegan." Tegan brushes her long hair out of her face to reveal our similarity. I bury my face in my hands in sickening shame as I hear Emy gasp.

"You-You're her twin?" Out of the space between my hands, I see the back of Tegan's head nod. "A-and you were…_fucking?_" Tegan's head nods again, confirming everyone's worst nightmare, admitting to the sick, perverted act that I try to convince myself I don't crave every single day.

"Please. Get the hell out of my house." Emy's voice is low and dangerous, leaving Tegan no choice but to flee for her life from the scene and out the front door. I hear the bedroom door slam down the hall. Peeling myself from the couch and trying not to cry or hyperventilate, I put my clothes back on. Bracing myself for the absolute worst, I walk into the bedroom I've shared with Emy for the past four years. Her tour suitcase is open on the floor, and she's dumping a drawer into it. Tears are falling down her face and neck messily. Emy shoves the drawer back in place, and shoves open the sliding closet door. She grabs as much as she can from her side of the closet and lets it all fall into the suitcase, hangers all intact.

"Tell me this was the first time, Sara." Emy stands above me, hand on my cheek. I turn my head away slowly, refusing to answer. She moves to walk away, but I stop her, wrapping my arms around her legs like a needy child, nonsensical pleas for her to stay pouring out of my mouth between sobs. She rubs the top of my head with her free hand, but then pries my arms from around her.

"Was it worth it?" she asks in a whisper.

"I don't know." I say truthfully.

"Goodbye, Sara. I'll be back to get the rest of my things in a few days. Take care of yourself." One soft kiss on the lips and she's gone out the door, leaving the apartment sickeningly empty. I curl up on the soft comforter, but I don't feel very comforted at all. My chest throbs as if my heart has been pulled out for the second time. I feel deep set remorse and guilt for what I've done. It's not as if I don't love Emy, I just love Tegan more. But I have to be honest. Nothing justifies what I did to Emy. I could've told Tegan to go home, wherever that even is. It wasn't a sin of necessity, but felt like it anyways.


	18. The Ocean

**A/N: Just a heads up, the next chapter will be the last. Enjoy : )**

All You Got

Chapter 15

The Ocean

Sara's P.O.V.

(4 months later)

"How are you this week, Sara?"

"I'm alright. I'll be going on tour in a few months, so I've been making arrangements with the company, and my new record is coming out next week."

"That's very good. This will be your first tour without Emy or Tegan. How do you think that will affect your experience?"

"I'm hoping it won't. I think I'll just go into business mode and do my job."

"That's a good goal, Sara. Have you heard from Jason?"

"Not since last week. But I did hear from Tegan… sort of."

"What do you mean, 'sort of'?"

"She wrote a book. I don't know if you've read it. It's on the bestseller list this month."

"What's the title?"

"'The Ocean'. Here it is. She used an alias, but I know it's Tegan's. She quoted something from our wedding vows in the beginning of the book." I hand over the book I'd brought with me, and look away. I let my face take on its numb, emotionless mask, just like it does every time Tegan's name comes up during my therapy sessions (which is quite often).

"You've never told me about your wedding. Do you remember it?" I almost laugh in her face. Do I remember it? I couldn't forget it if I tried. It had been absolutely perfect- one of the most blissful days of my entire life. I remember the flower petals sprinkled down the aisle by my cousin, Julie's daughter, Samantha (though she was only a couple years younger than me). I remember Grandpa walking me down the aisle proudly. I remember my eyes filling with joyful tears as Tegan read her vows to me. Now, I hear my therapist's voice reading the words, echoing my memory.

"Your love is like an ocean. I want to sink down into its depths and never come up. I want to be surrounded by your love, and I want to surround you with mine. You're the most amazing person I know, and I promise to love you forever. I've always had a hard time with decision, but now I'm sure. I know what I want, and what I want's right here with you. Forever. I promise I'll never leave you alone in the ocean."

"But she did. Tegan left me alone to drown. And now everything is soggy and grey and salty and bitter without her. She lied to me. And now her stupid book is all I have left of her."

"Would you like a tissue?"

"Yes I would like a fucking tissue." What a waste of money. It's all I can think as I blow my nose loudly. But it's not like it's my money being wasted. Superclose wanted me "evaluated" following my breakdown while making my most recent record. I felt stressed, and alone, and angry at the world for making me alone. I threw a full scale rock star fit, throwing any projectile I could get my hands on, and shrieking about whatever someone had said to set me off.

Lucky for me, Superclose covered the cost of the damages to the studio, the press didn't get a hold of the incident, and my insurance contract had a mental health clause. And so I fell into Dr. Carol Bernette's care, and have been seeing her once a week since. Soon, I'd be travelling on tour to Europe, and I'm sure Superclose wouldn't want their favorite little money maker to have a mental breakdown while representing them in a foreign country.

"How do you feel when you think about your sister?" I flinch at the last word and crumble the soft tissue in my fist.

"Fucking miserable, how else would I feel?"

"And why do you think that is?"

"Because she just… left me. She's gone and I'm powerless to bring her back. I'm miserable because I still love her. And I don't know why. I can't wrap my brain around it."

"She is your sister. Loving her is the first natural step to accepting her absence. And maybe admitting to yourself that the love you feel is misplaced sisterly love?"

"Dr. Carol. You don't seem to understand, so let me spell it out for you. I'm not talking about the love you're supposed to feel for your sister. This is the love that burns a hole through your chest every morning when you wake up and she's not there beside you. It's the love that makes kissing anyone else seem impossible unless you're pretending it's her lips on yours instead. It's the kind of love that drives the aching need for someone when they're away. Every fucking day I'm in pain because I have to deal with that, so the last think I need is you telling me it's any less real because Tegan just happens to be my sister."

"I-It sounds like you feel very strongly about her."

"No shit."

"There's no need to be hostile, Sara."

"I'm not hostile. I'm bitter."

Julie's P.O.V.

"Sara's therapist called. She wants me to convince Sara to go and see Tegan."

"What a stupid idea. Sara needs more time. She'll make the right decision when she's ready." I say to Sonia, holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder as I chopped apples for a pie I was making.

"But that may be too late."

"Sonia, you need to let go of the hope that we'll ever be a normal, functional family. It's just not going to happen. Some things are shattered so many times that they can never be fixed."

"I just want my daughters to be happy. If that's only possible while they're together, then that's just how it has to be."

"Fine. But if one of them gets hurt over this…"

"Blame the therapist."

"I was going to say blame you."

"You're not putting this on _me_. I need you to help me if we're going to pull this off."

"And what exactly do you suggest I do, oh wise one?"

"You take Tegan. I'll take Sara."

"You make it sound like we're hit men. Are you sure we're still talking about the same thing?"

"Not hit men… just partners in crime."

Later that Day…

"Sara, maybe you should try to talk things out with Tegan."

"She doesn't want to see me."

"How do you know that? Maybe she does."

"Then why would I want to see her? She abandoned me over and over, walking in and out of my life, making it a living hell and hasn't bothered to call me in the last four months to even apologize. What the hell would make you think I want to see Tegan?"

"Because I know you still love her. As hard as it is for me to accept it, it's obvious you do, and so does she."

"You say that as if it changes anything."

"You can't say that. You can't just give up. And you can't keep living like a hermit hiding out from the world."

"Why exactly not?"

"Because it's not healthy! You need to stop depriving yourself of love. You're falling apart! You think I've never been in love before? You can't tell me you don't wake up alone every morning starving for her."

"No. I can't. Y-you're right, Mum. "

"Will you go to see her?"

"Yes."

Simultaneously…

"Julie! What a surprise! How are you?"

"I'm fine. Samantha's here for Thanksgiving with her husband."

"That's good. How's Sonia? How's…"

"Sonia's wonderful. Sara's… hanging in there. How about you? I heard you wrote a book."

"I did. It was just released. But… I used a pen name. How did you it was me who wrote it?"

"Oh, please, Tegan. You quoted your wedding vows on the dedication page. You know how Sonia devours those bestsellers. She says it's very good."

"Oh, well… tell her thank you."

"I will. I'm happy you're doing well since the last time we talked. Is there…"

"No. There's no one else. I thought you might ask."

"Tegan. I know you miss Sara, and she misses you too. She wants to see you."

"I don't think I can do that, Julie. Losing her once was painful enough. "

"Just trust me, Tegan. She still loves you. I know that for a fact. Not here's what you need to do…"


	19. Northshore: Final

**A/N: Well... this is the last chapter. I hope everyone likes it, and thanks to everyone who has stuck with the story (novel) through its entirety. Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed and gave really great suggestions and feedback! **

All You Got- Chapter 16

Northshore

Sara's P.O.V.

I drive down a deserted, two lane road in the rented jeep, shivering slightly at the cold Ontario air seeping into the car. Tall trees rise on either side of me, what's left of their leaves dark browns and reds, ready to shed for the winter. What possessed me to rent a Jeep instead of a nice, cozy four door, I will never know. The thin plastic windows are virtually no protection against the unrelenting mountain wind.

Snow starts to fall, as if mocking me, and I curse the weather under my breath. I look down at the scrawled directions in my lap, and hope to god they're right. The last thing I need is to be stuck out in the snow and approaching darkness.

Just as I start to think I've missed a turn after all, I catch sight of the sign I've been looking for, and wheel around just in time to catch the turn. As I drive by slowly, I read the words carved onto it.

_Northshore National Preserve_

_Head Resident Park Ranger:_

_Tegan R. Quin _

I almost chuckle out loud. Tegan? A park ranger? It definitely seems like an unconventional career choice. I've always known she loved nature, but to this extreme? Shame pangs through my body, forming a sickening knot in my nervous stomach. During the rushed, brief encounters Tegan and I have shared over the past five years, I've never bothered asking Tegan what she's chosen to do with her life. Of course, being the selfish person that I am, it was hard for me to even picture her own life separate from mine.

Following the tree-covered dirt trail for what seems like forever, the winding road grows narrower, and the vegetation around me grows even thicker. I lean forward to look up at the sky through the trees. From what I can see through the branches, It appears to have stopped snowing, at least for now. My gloved hand starts shaking as I grip the steering wheel, twinkling lights ahead coming into view. I pull up, the Jeep jumping to a stop as I struggle to change the gear. It's been years since Tegan taught me to drive a stick shift, and I've been struggling with it since I arrived on the plane hours ago. I jump out of the car, and onto the cold, hard soil beneath me. I approach the lights, seeing an opening in the foliage; a narrow trail leading into the forest. A small sign is placed to the side.

_Sara follow _

Well... Tegan has always been short with her words. 'Brevity is the soul of wit', I think to myselfreassuringly as I enter the trail cautiously. Either side of my way is lit up with what appears to be white christmas strung on the tree branches. As I walk down the smooth path, I see Tegan has spray-painted any roots sticking up our of the ground so I don't trip.

Just as I start wondering how long the path is, how much electricity is being pumped into this usually lightless trail, and what will be revealed at the end, the path opens up into a wide clearing. I look around in amazement. The clearing's perimeter is strung with the same white lights as the trail. A roaring fire crackles, tree trunks surrounding it, and a picnic table sits a few feet away from it, an immaculate table cloth laid over it.

"You came." Tegan's voice startles me. I hadn't noticed her kneeling by the fire, tending it. I approach her awkwardly as she unfolds from her crouch, brushing her knees off and smiling.

"I just followed." I say, referring to her ridiculous sign beside the trail. Tegan chuckles nervously, and stops a foot away from me. We hover there for a few moments, as if magnets repelling, unable to breach the boundary of touch. Unable to stand it anymore, I step forward into her arms, flinging my arms around her neck, and grasping onto her tightly. Inhaling her familiar, comforting smell deeply, and smiling into the scarf covering her neck, I feel Tegan holding onto me just as tightly. And now I finally know... as much as we hurt each other, and as many obstacles as we're faced with, we'll always come back, unable to stay away for long.

I finally pull away, and Tegan looks down at me. She may be smiling, but I see that she's still anxious. Though we've overcome the touch barrier, as least she realizes everything is not forgiven or resolved by any means.

"Are you hungry?" She asks.

"Hell yeah! All they gave me on the plane was a bag of peanuts and some ginger ale." Tegan laughs, and gestures for me to sit down at the table. She disappears out of the clearing, and reappears minutes later with a plate in each hand and some silverware. Setting one in front of me, she moves to a place opposite me, and sits down. I look down at the dish. Salad.

"Don't worry, there's more. This is just the first course."

"Since when do you cook multiple courses?" I ask, looking down at the neat, perfect salad in alarm.

"I have a lot of time on my hands now that the park is closed to the public for the winter."

"You live here…in the park?"

"Of course. The ranger house came with the job."

"Can I see it?" I ask, gesturing to the clearing that obviously leads to her house.

"I'll show you after we eat. Right now, could we just relax… and talk?"

"Those two words never seem to go together." I say, not ready to get into a deep discussion just a few minutes after arriving.

"We don't have to." Tegan says, and focuses on her untouched salad. As I fork the last lettuce leaf into my mouth, I let my utensil rest in my bowl and look around again. It's now completely dark. The moon and stars force shafts of pale light through the branches above the clearing. The darkness is kept at bay by the Christmas lights strung so carefully. They seem so much brighter not that the light has completely drained from the clear sky. The imperceptibly thinner air is clear and sharp, a sure warning of winter. I feel myself reminded of my own love for nature, surely the same love that's brought Tegan here.

"Isn't it lonely up here?" I ask, just as she's reaching to retrieve my empty bowl. Her hand freezes in motion, and she brings it up instead to touch my face. Her cold skin against mine feels so gentle- almost like it's not really there at all. I close my eyes, willing myself not to move away from her touch.

"It doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with. I'm always lonely without you." Before I can reply to her small whisper, her hand is removed from my face and carrying our dirty dishes away.

I'm still in a daze as a heap of what appears to be badly shaped lasagna and a hunk of bread is placed gingerly in front of me. Tegan sits down across from me and digs in. I poke the jiggling mass with my fork.

"Julie told me you're a vegetarian now, so I added tofu chunks instead of meat."

"Oh… thanks." I nearly choke on the terrible combination of ricotta cheese and partially cooked tofu crumbles. Despite my mouth's discomfort, I smile through it and give Tegan a hearty thumbs up. Some things never change.

"So… my new album is being released soon." I say, awkwardly trying to start conversation.

"I know. I pre-ordered it a month ago. I hope it's as great as your last one." Tegan says casually around a bite of her mystery pasta. I gape. Could it be possible she's been following my career this whole time? I'm more thankful than ever that Superclose kept my embarrassing breakdown at the recording studio such tightly guarded secret. I don't know what I would do if Tegan knew about it. how could I explain such a thing to her? I can't even begin to explain it to myself.

"Aren't you going to finish?" Tegan asks, looking from her empty plate to my half-filled one. Her large, chocolate, baleful eyes closely resemble those of a wounded puppy dog.

"I'm sort of... full. It was so delicious, though, babe." I flinch and look away as the last, affectionate nickname I used to call her slipped from my lips. Tegan gives a weak, sympathetic smile, and retrieves the soiled dishes for the second time. I shift in my seat, feeling slightly uncomfortable being waited on by Tegan, the thick silence growing larger between us every moment we make feeble attempts at small talk.

"I hope you have room for dessert. Why don't we eat it by the fire? It's getting chilly out here." I watch Tegan walk away, and gather my jacket closer around me, realizing she's right. Almost tripping as I awkwardly remove myself from the picnic bench masquerading as a table fit for fine dining, I make my way over to the inviting looking fire. The air is cool against my back, but the fire is blazingly warm. I remove my gloves and reach them out to take out the stiffness from the cold. I look up at the embers flying up from the fire. They try so hard to reach the sky, only to be squished into nothingness by the oxygen around them.

Suddenly, Tegan's beside me, startling me from my thoughts. I'm drowsy from my long journey, so I don't protest as she wraps an arm around me and let's me lean against her. She feels so solid and real and comforting. I see a box resting on her lap, which she opens, a delicious smell wafting out.

"I tried to make chocolate mousse... but it didn't turn out so well. So drove down and got your favorite." Two perfect, glistening rows of glazed donuts stare at me tantalizingly from the cardboard box. I take Tegan's free hand and squeeze it.

"Jesus, Tee- the nearest Dunkin' Donut's must be miles away." I breath into the silence.

"Don't worry about it. The drive was worth it. Here, try one." Tegan hands me a warm donut. I straighten myself from her shoulder, and she retracts her arm from mine nervously. I smile and grab her arm, returning it to its original position.

When we're stuffed to breaking point with the sweet, sticky stuff, Tegan sets the box down at our feet, and withdraws her arm to face me.

"I don't want you to stay for three days."

"Ok... Are you saying you want me gone sooner? I'll see if I can get different tickets, I guess."

"No, no. That's not what I meant. I want you to stay longer. I want to do this every night for the rest of our lives. If you were just gone again, and didn't come back... I-I don't know how I would bear it. I couldn't." Tegan's voice cracks, and a tear is silhouetted down her perfect face. I look away, not bearing to see my own pain reflected back at me. Denial is so much easier. I feel a hand on my face turning it back to face her. "No look at me. Please."

"I can't stay, and you know that. If I stayed... I don't know if I could stop myself from... you know."

"I don't know. I need you to tell me."

"I couldn't stop myself from breaking the law! Don't you see we can't take that risk again? Don't you see it's wrong?"

"I don't care. They don't know what we feel. We're both consenting adults, so why can't we make our own decisions? I love you... as a sister and as more at the same time, and that's all I care about."

"Tegan, no-" I start to protest, but it's too late. Her lips are on mine, and the sleeping giant in me that's been ignoring my body's aching need for Tegan is angrily awakened. I try to weakly push her away, but her strong arms are wrapped around me, and my own willpower is fading like the embers rising in futility into the sky above. Suddenly, pull my lips away as she's going in for another passionate kiss.

"Sara please, just-"

"Are you going to show me your house, or what?" I say, cutting off her plea. She instantly cracks a grin and rises from the tree stump, throwing ashes on the fire, and making sure it's completely smothered before offering me her hand. Her fingers are warm as I interlock mine in between their spaces.

The ranger house is more than I had imagined. It sits on the very edge of a cliff with floor to ceiling windows that show a fantastic view that's barely visible in the dark. But I don't linger too long, letting Tegan lead my to her bedroom through the dark house. As Tegan presses me down on the bed, I'm suddenly giggling around uneasily, and feeling a bit light headed.

"Really, Tegan? A _waterbed_?" I asked, laughing hysterically.

"I've always wanted one, I thought- why not now? I have a guest bed, if you're uncomfortable..."

"No, no. It's perfect. _You're_ perfect."

Tegan's P.O.V.

I open my eyes, and I feel a wave of euphoria and happiness wash over me. At first I can't remember what the hell I've got to be so happy about, but then I remember Sara, sleeping beside me. Except she's not... The sheets are rumpled beyond belief, and what's left of the comforter is on the floor.

I expect to be accosted with frigid air, but as I leave the bed, it's uncharacteristically warm. Even the hardwood floors barely chill my feel as I touch down. I slip on some sweatpants and an old t-shirt and amble out into the kitchen. I see Sara curled up in front of the T.V. , plowing through a bowl of oatmeal.

"Morning. I made you some- it's in the micro blaster." I smile, and sit next to her with my own bowl. She's finished hers, setting the flimsy green plastic dish on the coffee table. I curl up against her, just feeling her breathe as we watch some ridiculous cartoon I've never seen before. Her breath is a gift- her life is a gift. I treasure every moment, memorizing it for when we're inevitable apart.

"I suppose it would be inappropriate to ask you to marry my again."

"Yes, it would."

"Damn, and I already bought the ring with a GPS tracking device."

"Tegan." Sara starts seriously whens he's done laughing, rubbing circles onto my back. "I'm not going to leave you. And you're not going to leave me, either. I don't need a ring on my finger to prove that."

"So... I don't get to wear my tux?"

"Are commitment ceremonies that dressy?" My grin has never been this gummy.

Julie's P.O.V.

"Hello?" I ask excitedly, the caller ID tipping me off about who I was about to speak to.

"Hi Aunt Julie!"

"Hey Sara... or Tegan?" I ask, even though I know perfectly well who I'm talking to.

"It's Sara, silly." she laughs.

"I take it your arrival was well received."

"Yes... we've decided to have a commitment ceremony! We want you and mom to come."

"Of course. We wouldn't miss it for the world."

"I just have one question..."

"Yes."

"Why have you and mom been so accepting of our relationship and everything? I mean... without you two, we wouldn't have gotten back together."

"Oh, you would've, trust me."

"But, how do you know? How can you understand so completely.?"

"Don't tell Sonia this, but-"

"Don't tell me _what_?" Sonia's voice was sharp and angry as it joined ours on the phone.

"You little snoop! I thought you were feasting on the thanksgiving leftovers in my fridge like you do every year."

"Hey- it's not my fault I don't see a problem in reaping the benefits from your stubbornness."

"Stubborn!_ I'm_ stubborn?"

"Yes! Are you even aware that thanksgiving isn't a Canadian holiday?"

"It doesn't stop you from eating me out of house and home-"

"Oh please, Julie! If that's not the biggest exaggeration I've ever heard!"

"Um... excuse me guys! Could you stop bickering for five minutes and tell me?"

"Tell you what?" asked Sonia. I rolled my eyes at her act.

"Come on. It's about time she knew." I say reproachfully.

"I don't know..."

"Too bad. She needs to know. Sara, when your mother and I were a lot younger we...well, we were together. Like you and Tegan. Then... after Rick- your uncle left, Sonia was there for me as more than just a sister could be. We've been together ever since. That's why we understood your position so well."

"You didn't tell me!"

"I told you that's what she would say." Sonia mutters. I hear her words mumbled through what could either be turkey or mashed potatoes. Light on my feet, I take full advantage of Sara's sputtering on the phone to sneak up on Sonia in my kitchen. She drops her plastic plat on the counter, caught red-handed.

"AHA! Caught you red handed!"

"Well... I can see you two are having a moment. I'll call you later with details about the ceremony." I set the phone back on the cradle, and kiss Sonia lightly.

"I can't believe we told her." Sonia smiled mischievously.

"I think it's for the best."

"Of course you do. You couldn't keep a secret to save your life."

"Oh, shut up, Turkey breath. You know you love me."

**THE END :) **

P.S.- There may or may not be a flashback oneshot (or series) about Julie and Sonia's relationship starting in their past. (sort of like a companion fic?) Anyways, I'll try to set up a poll seeing if people would want to read it, or just send me a PM with your thoughts on the idea :)


	20. Epilogue

**A/N: I just couldn't leave it hanging where it was, so her I am... again. There's a surprise for all of you at the end of this chapter! :3**

All You Got

Epilogue

Tegan's P.O.V.

"Momma T, when's grandma gonna be here?" I peer down from guitar playing, feeling a small hand tugging at my shirt tail

"I told you already Adele; Momma Sara's bringing her and your great aunt Julie in from the airport."

"But when's she gonna be here?" I smile and lean the guitar against the edge of the couch, scooping up the small girl to sit on my lap.

"I don't know, It could be days... maybe years!"

"You're lying!"

"I am not. They have to face the evil dragon on their way here" Adele gasps in mock surprise, her brown, almost green eyes growing wide and her chubby fingers covering her gaping mouth.

"No way! There's no dragons in Amsterdam."

"You know best." I say with a mischievous smile.

"When's Uncle Justin gonna come visit again?"

"You're just full of questions today. Hmm I don't know when he'll be coming back. You know he just visited a couple of months ago. Do you want me to make you a snack? You need your strength for fighting off dragons." As she's nodding vigorously, the door suddenly bursts open and the sounds of several voices spring through the house. Adele squeals in excitement and launches off of my lap and out into the foyer to greet the guests. I lag behind chuckling at my daughter's crazy energy level. I find myself ginning so wide my face feels like bursting as I embrace Julie and Sonia tightly. It's been such a long time since we've seen either of them , it's hard to believe they're finally here. Adele clings to Sonia as the three new arrivals peel away their winter coats and make their way to the living room to catch up. As if an amount of catching up could erase more than a year of being apart.

Sara's P.O.V.

Sonia, Julie, Tegan, Adele and I all sit in the living room, resting and digesting the extravagant meal that Tegan had prepared for us. Luckily her cooking skills have improved in the years since we've been together- thanks in part to cooking classes that we'd gone to together back in Canada. Julie and Mom are curled up on the love seat opposite the couch, Julie's arm flung across Mom's shoulders casually. I note this with a content smile. Adele, unusually placid, is curled up on my lap. She's usually running around and demanding someone look at her drawing or play with her, but as her bed time slips farther and farther away, I can tell she's fading fast, but still happy to be staying up late in the company of her family.

"We're so glad you're here, guys. We just wish you could visit more often" I say

"We do too, but it's so difficult since you two moved practically across the world. I'm glad you're happy, but it's so far away from home."

"Here is home now." Tegan says, glancing over at a nearly dozing Adele fondly.

"Besides. We didn't have a choice. If we wanted to start a family, we couldn't risk it being broken up if someone somehow found out." I add, a tinge of homesickness and regret making their ways into my voice.

"It's lucky though; that they granted you asylum here in Amsterdam." My mother says, in an obvious attempt to brighten the darkening conversation tone.

"Mommy, what's asylum?" Adele pipes up from my lap, drowsiness hanging thick from her voice.

"Hmm... I think it's past your bedtime."

"Noooo!" Cries Adele in anguish. "I wanna stay up with Grandma and Auntie Julie!"

"They'll be here in the morning. Tegan?" I say, catching Tegan's attention- she's the only one who can hope to get Adele to bed when she gets into one of her slightly unpredictable crabby moods. Tegan smiles nonetheless and scoops up Adele from my lap and carrying our daughter to her bedroom, Adele begging all the way down the hall to pleeaassee tell her the story about the dragon just one more time!

As Tegan and Adele's voices fade into the small bedroom at the end of the hall, Mom and Julie turn to me, beaming.

"She is so good with Adele." says Julie, sharing a cheerful but slightly loaded look with my mom.

"She really is." I agree quietly, nodding and sipping tea from the lukewarm mug in my small hands. After a study about the adverse effects of coffee were released, Tegan and Adele have demanded that I switch indefinitely to tea.

"Actually there's something I wanted to talk to you two about. Tegan and I were thinking..." I begin.

"What were we thinking?" Tegan asks, walking back into the living room and and taking her seat close tom eon the couch.

"I was just going to talk to them about maybe moving here to Amsterdam." Julie and mom exchange anxious glances, but they don't look very surprised.

"You know we can't do that. Our home is in Calgary. Besides, we're both too old and set in our ways."

"Speak for yourself, I'l the younger sister. But... Julie's right. I mean, we'd love living closer to you two and of course Adele, but we can't just pick up and leave."

"I-It was just a suggestion. I'm just saying it's a strain on all of us to keep flying across the world just to see each other." I say, feeling slightly foolish about my suggestion.

"If you two want to keep your relationship a secret forever..." Tegan says, always the most blunt and brutally honest one in the room.

"You're saying that you tell all of your friends here? And I know Adele doesn't know."

"Yes all of our friends know. People here are so much more open minded, you wouldn't believe it. But we haven't decided about Adele yet." I say with a slightly nervous glance towards Tegan. Telling Adele is one thing Tegan and I keep disagreeing on. She thinks we should just come out and tell her, and I think we should wait. Telling her now could lead to a lot of premature questions and discussions I don't think any of us are ready to have.

"I don't know. Maybe it's time we stop worrying about someone finding out and throwing us in the slammer." My mom's voice is light and cheerful, but I can hear the worry and slight anxiety behind it.

"You know we couldn't risk having Adele taken away from us. And 14 years in prison... that's just harsh."

"How about we sleep on it while we're here?" Julie says before failing to stifle a huge yawn that spreads in a chain reaction throughout the room.

"I guess that's our cue." chuckles Tegan, getting up from the couch. "Come on guys, I'll set up the guest bed." I get up after Tegan and clear the table. The house is quiet but peaceful, the hushed sounds of good night's and thank you's the only noises interrupting the silence.

As I walk down the hall to the bedroom Tegan and I share, I stop in front of Adele's room. Pushing open the slightly cracked door, I walk over to her bed and place a hand gently on her head. She's already asleep, and probably has been since her head hit her pillow. As I sit on the bed next to her resting body, the choice to leave Canada resonates again within me. It had been the only choice for Tegan and I. Some things are too important to risk- and family is one of those things.

I reluctantly lift up my tired body and walk across the hall to the bedroom, closing Adele's door gently behind me. Feeling the comfortable darkness surround me as I close the door behind me, I strip down and crawl under the covers to cuddle against a warm, waiting Tegan. We whisper our goodnights and soon her breath has become slow and easy. But I stay awake for a long time, just holding her as tightly as I can without waking her up. Sometimes with Tegan resting so still beside me, I can hardly believe she's chosen to stay with me after all. But as I fall asleep, I know I'll wake up to her making breakfast with Adele and I'll know why... unconditional love.

Partners in Crime

(Sonia and Julie)

Prologue

January, 1980

Julie's P.O.V.

"What about university?" I cry, whipping around to face my younger sister fiercely. News that my younger sister is getting married is not exactly what I expected to hear while home from college for winter break.

"I'm not going to university. You know I probably wouldn't get in anyways."

"How do you know- you haven't even applied!"

"Julie- just because you got accepted to the University of Toronto doesn't mean I could."

"You're not stupid, Sonia. You could do so much more if you wanted to!" My sister looks down and away, her full lips trembling slightly. Her fingers massage a no doubt aching temple and she lets out a deep shaky sigh.

"This is... w-what I want to do." I shake my head and walk across the room we used to share, dodging around the twin bed that used to be mine and sitting next to Sonia, who shifts away from me slightly.

"You're lying, I can tell. Jack is not what you want. Especially not now; you're barely nineteen!"

"Don't give me a fucking lecture, Julie. I already got enough from mom and dad when I told them. I know what's best for... for myself and right now this is it."

"Do you love him, really? If you do, then I'll leave you alone and be your maid of honor or your flower girl or whatever you want." Sonia looks down at her knees, refusing to answer and gnawing at her bottom lip- I know there's something she's holding back. I rest my hand on hers and her head rests gingerly on my shoulder. I close my eyes and feel her taking a deep breath and squeezing my hand in hers.

"I-I love him, Julie." I nod solemnly, an unexpected weight of sadness washing over me. I should be happier for my sister, but all I feel is alone, and I don't know why. It definitely doesn't make any sense, since I have a perfectly fine boyfriend waiting for me back in Toronto. As I fretfully play with Sonia's hair between my fingers, I try to remember our childhood together. It all seems so far away and foggy when I try to go back to the sights and sounds and experiences that had captivated the both of us in our youth.

"Are you going to marry Rick?" Sonia whispers into the quickly darkening room.

"I don't know. He hasn't asked" I reply truthfully.

"Don't you want to marry him, though? If he asked you."

"I don't know. I mean, I guess when college is over we might consider it."

"I want you to."

"Why?"

"So I'm not alone."

"You'll never be alone, sis. I'll always be right here for you."

"But you're practically living in Toronto now."

"It's just for college. My home is here. I'll come back to stay, and maybe I'll bring Rick with me."

"Will you- oh, wait... Oh my God!" Sonia jerks up out of my arms and flies into the bathroom that is joined to the bedroom. I recover from the sudden shock of her departure and rush after her, opening the bathroom door to find her hunched over the toilet heaving her guts out. Immediately springing into action, I kneel next to her and hold back her long dark brown hair.

When Sonia's done being sick, I help her up slowly and wipe off her face with a hastily dampened wash cloth until her breathing levels off.

"Do you have the flu?" I ask, already planning to compulsively sanitize my hands immediately after the point when it stops seeming rude.

"No..." Sonia croaks as I lead her to her bed and make her lay back on the pillows.

"Did you eat at that crappy mexican food place on the corner again?"

"No, I'm fine really."

"You call puking your guts out fine?"

"Julie, you don't understand- I'm pregnant." I stare at her with a slack jaw and gaping mouth, unable to believe it. Suddenly, our mother's voice calls us to dinner and I can tell from the scared expression on Sonia's face that she hasn't told our parents yet.

**A/N: Well I hope you all loved the sneak peek for "Partners in Crime". The fic will center around Julie and Sonia's relationship and also fill in a lot of the blanks from All You Got. I'll be publishing the first chapter within the next couple of weeks, so be on the lookout :)**


	21. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE!

Sorry for the author's note, but I've got some important information regarding the story "Partners in Crime" which is a companion fic to All You Got. Due to the incredibly public nature of this website (anyone can look at any of the stories, even if they don't have an account) and the potentially sensitive material in the story, I've been asked (very politely) by one of the community administrators not to post the story on this website.

If you haven't already, feel free to join the LiveJournal community. (PM me for specifics if you're having trouble) If you were so inclined, you might find the first chapter of a certain story you're looking for ;)

Thanks for reading, and sorry about the inconvenience! :)

P.S. I recommend joining up at the Proboards TNSQ community as well.


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